You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
The Amish Mafia.
Those are two words you rarely say together.
They go together like toothpaste and orange juice.
It’s Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid in a Turkish Bath house.
Gimme a break.
Amish Mafia? What the hell is that?
Does the Amish Tony Montana say “let me introduce you to my little friend,” and then he pulls out a rake?
What do you think of when you hear the words Amish Mafia.
I think something gooey that I have to pull off the bottom of my shoe.
I don’t think men with big black hats and big black beards and big black coats toting big black guns?
I do think of liquor guzzling farmers who get drunk and try to raise a barn.
From the things that make you say Hmmmm department – I give you a TV show on the Discovery Channel called Amish Mafia.
This is show is almost as obscene as the other Discovery show I find repulsive. NAKED AND AFRAID – where 2 disgusting naked people walk through the jungle, their private parts exposed to serpents and mosuquitoes and thorns and other things that bite, scratch tear and causes rashes.
If it was Naked and Afraid and Super Model oriented, I’m all in, but…
Tuesday night, ABC news didn’t think covering the Sarin gas attack holocaust in Syria deserved another segment, so they made sure to tease Amish Mafia.
According to the reporter, there are 1/4 million Amish in the USA.
You know the Amish. They shun the modern world. They like wagons and churn butter. And if they have sex, they must have sex, right?, they do it wearing really heavy clothes.
But apparently, the Discovery Channel has decided that one season of Amish Mafia was not enough, so prepare yourself for season two.
Some say the portrayal is farcical.
Watching the trailer, I can see why.
The show takes place in Lancaster Co. Pennsylvania where many traditional Amish have lived like they have for 200 years.
But the TV show makes the Amish Mafia look sinister. It’s like dirty Harry meets Shaft meets potato field.
The four main characters walk in slow motion through the town.
They are dressed in black suits and big hats. One of the men is toting an automatic weapon.
He is like Amish Rambo.
The reporter says that these Amish, the so called Amish Mafia do the dirty work that the church doesn’t want to do.
Apparently the church doesn’t want to blow up water melons with automatic weapons or smash car windows with axes because the Amish Mafia previews show me a lot of Amish Violence.
The gun toting guy in the big hat looks in the camera and says about the group’s leader ;”Levi is a great guy who is not afraid to crack some skulls.”
Nothing sends a message of Amish love like cracking some Amish skulls.
The trailer shows the guys burning what appears to be a pile of marijuana and driving a sleek Lexus.
The promo shows a tiny Amish circus freak jumping on a car and smashing the front windshield to smithereens.
Couldn’t he use that energy to make butter?
What the reason for the violence is is never made clear.
I glean from this that the Amish are mean SOB’s and their little people are not to be messed with.
Some have questioned whether the Amish Mafia are for real? Some say they actors.
Discovery says no.
But it makes you wonder.
The scenes are so incredulous they are shocking, almost disturbing.
Amish violence feels wrong like fire ants crawling up your pant leg.
The leader of the group says he is Amish, just not baptized into the Amish church.
Why are you not baptized?, the reporter asks.
“I would rather watch TV and use a computer and drive a car and not drive a horse,” he says.
So would most of the world. So quit calling yourself Amish Levi.
I don’t have a lot of strong feelings when it comes to the Amish. I like their corn. I like that I can get around their horse drawn buggies quickly. I am glad that they don’t usually use a lot of band width at the local Starbucks. I’m glad they don’t comb their beards out in my food.
I guess Amish Mafia isn’t that much different than normal Mafia. They are usually portrayed as Catholics who love Jesus until it’s time to kill something.
I won’t be watching Amish Mafia.
But I am glad that it provides me a visual juxtaposition to dissect.
I suppose that is what makes America the greatest country in the world.
The opportunity to take liberties with an entire segment of society, be it true or exaggerated, in pursuit of the all mighty dollar.
can i get a hallelujah from the choir.