You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
PS4 the new prostate exam.
Huh?
I’m watching a football game Sunday.
“We’ll be right back,” the announcer says.
The games fades out and a high concept commercial fades in.
Two characters are facing each other wearing Medieval Armor.
The men begin singing.
One man raises his battle ax.
“it’s a perfect day,” he sings melodically as he prepares to strike his opponent.
“To drink Sangria in the park,” his equally combative opponent responds in a sweet show tune melody.
Suddenly the men strike one another.
There is a clash of metal.
“and then later, it gets dark,” the aggressor sings as if he’s in a Broadway show.
“And we go home” the other contestant sings sweetly falling to the ground.
The lyrics are soft, the music sweet, the visual ridiculously incongruous with the mood being set.
Just as the first show tune singing knight is about to crush the skull of his opponent, the scene fades.
Suddenly, the same two men, are now in modern sleek race cars.
They are driving 150 mph through a perfect country side.
The cars are racing down a futuristic autobahn, side by side, like two fighter jets, vying for position on a narrow road.
The camera zooms in as they sing their sappy song in unison.
“Oh it’s such a perfect day. I am glad i spent it with you.”
That’s when one man jerks the wheel abruptly to the left. His sleek race car smashes into the other racing machine, crushing the quarter panel.
The impact sends the car into the concrete divider where it proceeds to turn upside down.
The man continues to sing happily as his car, upside down, traveling at 150 mph, is about to implode in a fiery explosion.
The 3rd scene fades in.
It’s a horrific post apocalyptic world where cyborg like soldiers march through a city in ruins.
“Oh such a perfect day. You just keep me hanging on.” The happy song blathers on while a red sky burns around sky scrapers peeled like potatoes in Dublin.
The music reminds one of puppy dogs and rose petals.
The visuals are loud and angry, as futuristic helicopter killing machines swoop in from a sunless storm. Rockets fire and the two show tune singing combatants square off in a street filled with blood and mayhem.
One man is wearing futuristic body armor and a red cyborg laser eye. He is singing and firing a high caliber techno weapon into the melee. On the other side of the raucous arena, his opponent, sings his show tune and fires back, sighting the enemy through a blue laser eye.
It’s a strange juxtaposition for the violent sweetness filling my retinas and ear drums at the same moment.
The commercial ends in an orchestral crescendo that builds through a visual dynamic of battlefield snipers, M-16’s laying down suppressing cover fire and snarling Seal Team 6 characters named Dredge and Fulcrum base jumping into a deteriorating hot zone.
TITLES OVER SCREEN:
Greatness awaits.
P S 4.
The cinematically charged commercial ends and the football game comes back on.
Suddenly my friend asks, “that was crazy. What was that for?”
Before I can answer, my friend’s mother says; “P S A. It’s for prostate exams.”
I burst out laughing.
“Prostate exams?”
“Yeah. PSA’s. Urging men to get Prostate check ups,” she says with a sweet smile.
I crack up.
“That wasn’t PSA,” I say falling back into the couch. “That was PS4. It was a commercial for the new Play Station Game soon to be unveiled.”
The mother and daughter also burst out laughing at the total absurdity of a prostate commercial using show tunes and futuristic killing machines to sell its product.
But it got me to thinking.
Wouldn’t it be cool if medical commercials were more insane like this one?
I’m sick of commercials telling me what could happen if I take their product. Bloody stool and hair falling out and dry mouth.
ENOUGH!!
Don’t you hate those damn E.D. commercials full of hot tubs and ocean soaked sunsets?
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION!
You shouldn’t even be able to utter that word until children under the age of 13 are in bed.
If I see one more cowboy driving a corvette down a blue highway with an announcer telling me this is my time or some such thing, I think I will vomit.
Wouldn’t it be great if that same guy who can’t muster his flag is being chased by futuristic pirates shooting grenades at him.
“Can’t get it up?” they scream through megaphones covered with skulls.
“Take him down!” They shout with hearty blood thirsty snarls.
Suddenly helicopters descend from a blood red sky unleashing rockets of blue Viagra pills.
The man in his tiny Corvette is blasted with a strafing run of Blue pills.
The E.D. patient smashes into a hwy 66-type bill board. His Corvette Explodes. His head is severed from his Viagra needing shoulders.
The Road Warriors of Sexual Performance pull up to the flaming wreck.
They laugh as the camera pushes in to the bill board now on fire.
The portion of the canvas not destroyed by the wreck reads: Pack your gun belt with blue bullets.
Show me an ad where the guy who can’t get it up is chased by post apocalyptic zombies who kill you unless you take their product; well now you got my attention.
I can see playing a Viagra based PS4 game that lets me shoot blue Viagra bullets at impudent Corvette drivers.
Get hard or go home, so to speak.
Viagra. Not just for picnics and fleeting moments.
So PS4 and PSA and Viagra and Road Warrior nation.
Why Not?
Is it so absurd.
The next time you see an ad for Play Station 4, make a mental note to check your prostate with a PSA.
And the next time you see a Viagra Ad, pray that someone with a Black Hawk and a grenade launcher will blow that erectile dysfunction highway hog into the public right of way.
life’s Crazy™