You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Pregnant street gangs?
Did I just write that?
Yes. Pregnant Street Gangs.
We’re talking bad ass Chinese women knocked up, with child, bun in the oven, kicking ass and taking names like the lactating lasses they are.
Can you imagine a street gang -with child – armed with knives and chains and eye patches.
They’re like maternity ward pirates, swashbuckling with swollen utteruses. Crazy.
I bet their unborn children are all ready wearing gang colors in the womb?
As with most crazy stories, this one takes us across the globe to China.
According to published reports, it’s here that a group of pregnant thieves who terrorized shoppers and stores for more than a decade were finally behind bars.
The 47-member crime ring is dubbed the “Big Belly Gang.”
Big Belly Gang? What a terrible monicker.
How bout mad mommas. Or bad mamma jammas. or How bout Gestation with an attitude. How bout Baby bangers.
No matter what you call them, the gang is believed to have been responsible for some 3,000 cases.
3,000 cases! 47 member gang! Pregnant women!
Has the world tilted off its axis? What’s next? Panda Bears Packing heat? The Dahli Lama flipping everyone the bird?
Pregnant women like to lay on the couch and complain that they can’t see their feet. Pregnant women talk about expandable waste band pants that don’t make them look sexy. Pregnant women like to say their nipples are sore and their bladder is full.
A pregnant Chinese gang? It’s not exactly the Crips and Bloods doing drive bys and squirting breast milk from low riders, but it is pretty damn crazy.
What’s crazier is the Chinese legal system. This is a nation that will roll a tank over a guy holding a flower in the square. But apparently when it comes to pregnant women, China goes all maternal. Apparently all you have to do is raise your hand and rub your belly and claim you are with child and the judge will order you released almost immediately.
Local papers report that one of the most bad ass pregnant gang members has been arrested and released 47 times.
In the USA you are a gang member for life, or until someone pops a cap in your ass.
Sadly for big belly gang members you can only get knocked up once every 9 months. That’s why Big Belly Bandits get pregnant again and again and again, violating China’s one child policy.
Stealing. Banging. Jacking. And all of it with a nursing bra.
that is crazy.™