You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Osama Bin Laden thinking he is going to be enjoying the company of virgins for all his dastardly deeds here on the 3rd rock form the sun.
Get real O.
Sunday May 1st, a lean, mean killing machine drilled him a new eye socket,
Osama went nighty night and took a one way trip to the fire pits of hell.
I was wondering how that’s working out for him.
Satan: Hey O welcome to your fiery eternity.
O: where are my virgins?
Satan snaps his finger and out parades a dozen Rosie O’Donnell clones with pig snouts and scales. The creature’s eyes are yellow and filled with a souring, foul smelling ooze.
Satan: There are your virgins, O.
Osama wipes his bloody forehead with a trembling finger. Tears of fear well in his eyes as a gas furnace of despair, heat and evil swirl around him.
O: I am Osama Bin Laden. I am a great leader of Al Qaida. I masterminded the destruction of the Twin Towers and the Pentagon.
Satan laughs out loud as the Rosie O’Donnell monsters begin tearing his flesh with long talon finger nails.
Osama screams in horror pulling the blood sucking actresses from his jowls.
Satan: About that 911 thing. How do you like this?
The devil waves his hand and a burning replica of a destroyed twin tower emerges from the burning lava beyond. Osama’s eyes grow wide with terror. The devil manages a grin.
Suddenly a plan filled with gas crashes through the tower. There’s an explosion of fire and acid raining down everywhere. From the burning building zombies wearing NYFD turnout gear emerge. They are carrying fire axes. Some are holding skeleton babies with shark teeth and fire red eyes.
A trembling Osama takes a step back. His sandal dips into a pool of scalding lava.
Osama bellows in pain as the flesh from his foot melts like warm butter.
The demon fire fighters surround Osama swinging their fire axes. Osama is trapped, his clothes tattered, his skin shredded.
Suddenly a chunk of burning steels collapses on top of the mighty terrorist.
Osama’s head is knocked off his shoulders. His turban rolls into the fire and goes up in a puff of smoke.
A decapitated, Osama’s head is somehow still alive. His eyes open, filled with blood. His nostrils are filled with blood. His mouth is filled with blood. He is slowly suffocating on the filth of his own evil soul.
O: I am Osama Bin Laden.
His words trail off in a gurgling unrecognizable sound.
The most evil force in the universe moves to the sad face of the world’s most wanted man. The jaundiced finger of evil touches Osama in a lightning bolt of heat. Osama’s scraggly beard erupts into fire, consuming his face.
Osama screams in pain as his breath inhales the fire of his own face.
Just then the zombie fire fighters rush into the flames in his mouth. Osama’s face fills like a distorted balloon of hate. In a moment, he screams and his face explodes.
Satan moves to the pile of goo that was Osama’s head and kicks it with his foot.
The Devil snaps his finger and Osama is suddenly made whole, standing before him again. He is twisted and mutated like meat dragged over asphalt behind a truck.
O: What? I was dead. I tasted the putrid flames. It was over.
Satan yawns.
Satan: It’s never over.
Satan laughs and snaps his finger again. Suddenly a winged creature with talons and horns descends from a blood red fire sky.
The creature snares Osama in the neck and lifts him off the lava filled ground.
Satan watches as the crying form of Osama is dropped into a fiery version of the twin towers.
As Osama’s body impales on a jagged steel girder, he screams in agony.
Satan laughs again.
Satan: How do you like forever mastermind?
With that Satan snaps his finger and Osama again materializes, trembling, singed, bloody faced.
O: No more please. Kill me.
Satan: Oh I’ll kill you. Every single minute of every single moment for the rest of eternity.
Satan snaps his finger and demonic Navy Seals emerge from the bubbling lava. The bony skeleton warriors with empty eyes open fire on Osama, blowing his skull apart. Putrid worms emerge from the empty hole in what was his eye.
Satan pushes the fragment of a jaw bone and laughs.
As Satan walks away, the devil snaps his finger again.
A horribly disfigured, almost unrecognizable Osama Bin Laden is standing naked in a puddle of fire. His feet are melting. He is crying.
A parade of zombie like firefighters swinging poison tainted axes descend on his scrawny form tearing him to shreds. Suddenly, fanged dog creatures jump out of the burning tower and run toward Osama. They are snarling and stink of death. They begin ripping his mutilated flesh.
Osama screams in agony.
From somewhere in hell, the sound of the Devil snapping his finger is heard.
Osama again materializes as a barely recognizable lump of meat.
His face is almost unidentifiable as a single tear rolls down his Al Qaida face and into the lava where it erupts in a bubble of steam.
SNAP
And for Osama Bin Laden. Life in Hell is Crazy.