You know what’s Crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!
A man who gets arrested, charged with indecent exposure for making coffee in his own house.
The man was NUDE. He was in his own kitchen. But he was NUDE.
Talk about grinding your beans.
According to published reports, a woman claims she saw him through the window. It’s 5:30 am and she reportedly is walking with a 7 year old boy. That’s curious to me all ready, but let me finish. So she reportedly calls the police because the dude is allegedly butt ass naked in his own damn kitchen.
He’s getting his JAVA on! It’s America right?
OK, I have some serious questions for everyone involved in this case.
First of all; to the woman who claims she witnessed a crime. “Hey lady, what were you doing up at 5:30 am looking through a neighbor’s window?”
Did you get a good peek? Did you bring a step ladder? Did you rip your clothes on his bushes?
Why are you looking in the guy’s window lady? Did he steal your mail? Did his dog crap on your lawn? Are you vindictive and this is your best plan for revenge.
And now a few questions for our naked barrista. His name is Eric Williamson from Fairfax Virginia.
My question for you home slice is; do you always go commando to get your caffeine fix?
If your kitchen is like my kitchen at 5:30 am, then cold is everywhere. You can see your breath, and your toes begin t curl. If your kitchen is like my kitchen, then walking naked is going to make your junk shrivel.
Dude don’t own you a pair of shorts? Put on a sock, or a hat?
Because he likes to percolate in the buff, Williamson is charged with indecent exposure.
The 29 year old tells a local TV station, he didn’t realize that anyone could see him.
“If I stood and seemed comfortable in my kitchen, it’s natural. It’s my kitchen,” Williamson tells Channel 5.
Fairfax County Police see it differently. According to published reports, “they believed Williamson wanted to be seen naked by the public.”
Maybe. maybe not!
The whole thing seems more like a publicity stunt. You sure Mr. Williamson wasn’t in a Mylar balloon floating over Fairfax county?
And here’s my question for you coppers. Is this the only crime your detectives have to work on? A guy who allegedly made coffee naked in his own kitchen? Weren’t there dogs off leash violations you could have issued during this same time?
Can you say tax payer dollars wasted?
If this guy is guilty as the charges would indicate, then as judge and jury, I say let a bunch of amped up coffee starved nut-jobs throw one pound Starbucks Bags at his exposed genitalia. That will teach Mr. Williamson to ever brew naked again.
In the future maybe he’ll wear his pajama bottoms while his beans are percolating. While you are at it, pull the blinds.
You want to know what I think?
This is some Jack Boot bull crap on the part of the neighbor and certainly on the part of the cops.
Some peeping Jane says this guy is exposing himself and the cops bust the guy. What proof do they have? What intent was there? This isn’t a domestic violence call where you have to drag the husband off to the pokey. I think Mr. Williamson is getting a a raw deal.
What if he calls police and reports her for indecent exposure. What if he claims he looked out his window while making coffee and he saw her pulling her skirt over her head. Would police slap the cuffs on her without any proof or grand jury indictment.
The TV station reports that Williamson is a father of a 5-year old girl, who says he will get highly caffeinated and then vigorously fight these charges.
“There is not a chance on this planet I would ever, ever, ever do anything like that to a kid,” he says.
If convicted he could serve a year in jail and face a $2,000 fine. If he is convicted, then so be it.
If the conviction is over turned, then I think he should get to star in a coffee commercial like Juan Valdez. Dress his accuser like a donkey, and put a poncho on Williamson. I say use the publicity to your advantage. Let his bare ass play peek a boo with the camera.
Anybody need a cup of Joe.
And that’s what I’m talking about!