You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
The Naked Intruder.
“It was scary,” the 19-year-old girl tells me on her front stoop.
It’s a Monday morning. Just 3 hours earlier, her family wakes to the crashing sound of a back door being kicked in.
The father rushes to the sound and he is shocked by what he finds.
“Was the guy naked?” I ask.
“He was naked,” she replies.
According to police the 29-year-old left his home on the next street and crossed a fence line and trees and ran up the back stairs and kicked in the rear door.
Not only is he naked, but he is barefoot.
BAREFOOT!
I don’t like walking in my driveway barefoot.
I don’t like walking in my kitchen after my son cooks, barefoot.
Barefoot to a crime scene?
Barefoot to kick in a door?
Free birdin, boys hanging, wind in your hair and everywhere else?
This guy is either Bare Grills high on camping fuel or he has a high tolerance for discomfort.
I’m told that after the initial meeting between naked perp and family, he leaves, abruptly, the same way he came.
He crossed the fence and the tree line and he ran home and put on pants.
Rule 1 in the criminal code of conduct. If you are going to jail, you should wear pants.
It’s a good rule for everyone; for you and for the prisoners who don’t need any extra stimuli.
I talked with the suspect’s mother.
She sounded like any mom I ever talked to.
He’s such a good boy, and loves Jesus and America too.
Sounds like a Tom Petty song.
She tells me her son is depressed and his girlfriend cheated on him, and his dad was absentee and his dog died and a friend committed suicide.
All bummers, but naked burglary?
I’m just saying.
Pull up your big boy pants and deal.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
They don’t drop trow and break into their neighbor’s home scaring 3rd grade children.
Life’s Crazy™