You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!
Mmmvelopes!
That’s right, just when you thought “Snail-Mail” was dead, now it tastes like pork.
A company is betting the farm on a fun product that puts the fun back into licking paper products.
If you’re like me, and who isn’t, then you remember the old days P.I. (Pre-Internet) when you had to literally write a letter on something known as paper, with something called an ink pen. Then you folded that paper and placed it in a paper sheath. You sealed the package known as an Envelope by, are you ready for this, licking the glue saturated flap.
The glue tasted, well, like shoe polish, and it made your tongue feel like it had been out all night drinking.
If you didn’t cut your tongue, you were lucky.
Well now a treat for any pork lover who also gets his rocks off by corresponding with “snail-mail.”
It’s a wild concept developed by a company touting itself as: J&D’s Bacon Flavored MmmVelopes.
That’s right, Mmm-Velopes, which are more delicious types of envelopes.
According to the packaging; for 7 dollars you get 25 envelopes. I’m not sure if they come in other pig flavored products, like beef jerky, or maple flavored, or Canadian Flavored Bacon? But if you are sick of licking glue, and who isn’t, then this is the mailing product for you.
You’ll be the hit of the post office, no doubt when you walk in with MmmVelopes. Pull one out in line and let the pretty girl in front of you lick your bacon flap if you know what I mean. What a conversation starter. Now you don’t have to ask what the zip code is for Phoenix. You just shout out; “Who wants to lick my envelope?”
Sit back and let the postal fun ensue.
The instructions on the envelope read like this: J&D’s Bacon Flavored MmmVelopes – a technology 4,000 years in the making. That’s right. Millenniums of people have been licking gross tasting envelopes when they could have been tasting delicious bacon the whole time. We thought about calling them Bacolopes, but we didn’t want people to think we crossed a strip of bacon and an antelope. Which may be next you never know but for now we give you Mmmvelopes. Lick it! Love it! Mail it!
Catchy huh?
The envelopes are full of fun facts like: From the makers of bacon salt. Baconaise and bacon pop.
Whatever the hell those products might be.
USA inspected and passed by department of flavored mail.
Daring to leave no room for an actual address, the MmmVelopes also make fun of non meat eaters saying: Safe for vegetarians and No Refrigeration necessary.
Wow!
Can you imagine if all products that necessitate using a tongue had this kind of creativity. Edible underwear could made of tootsie rolls. Lolly Pops could be roast beef flavored. Dental Floss could taste like Hot Dogs.
What a world? What a concept.
And that is crazy!