You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!
A guy crapping $13,000 dollars into the toilet.
It sounds crazy, but that is essentially what some lunatic did on a flight from Krakow, Poland to Great Britain.
DATELINE: Somewhere at 36,000 feet.
According to the Daily Express, the man scratched off a lottery ticket on board his flight, and won thousands of dollars. When he was told he couldn’t immediately collect his £8,930 Pounds, he went nuts.
You would have ordered a glass of champagne and celebrated. I would have joined the mile high club, probably with myself. This lame ass? What’d he do? He shoved the scratch off card into his pie hole and started chewing. The cardboard, the ink, the metallic stuff that looks like aluminium pencil shavings. He ate it all! He swallowed it as if Jeff Probst was presiding over a Survivor challenge of disgusting inedible things cast-a-ways have to eat.
Why did he eat a ticket worth $13,300 dollars? That’s the 13,000 dollar question isn’t it?
Ryanair spokesman, Stephen McNamara, said: “Passengers have always been delighted to claim their large cash prizes after returning home.
Not this fruit loop. He won and wanted immediate gratification. This ain’t like winning large fries? This is Thirteen Thousand dollars. You think flight attendants have $13,000 lying around the cabin. Have you ever heard your flight attendant get on the intercom and ask if someone can break a $20?
What’s with passengers now-a-days? Is everyone high? Is everyone rude? Does everyone have body odor? Does every person have extra arm flab they have to push into your arm rest space?
Is everyone a terrorist packing their underpants full of TNT? Does every passenger have to wear their Sunday Best wife beater on the plane? How much gold is too much gold to fly with?
I’d be happy if they served me a hot meal on the plane. I’d like more than a one ounce package of nuts. This guy won Thirteen Thousand dollars and then went and flushed it down the crapper.
People who fly scare me. Fliers use to be the creme of the crop. It use to be Upper crust of society wearing suits and ties. It was white linen and fine china and a T-Bone steak. That was living large in the friendly skies. Now we fly with morons who eat lottery tickets. If this box of rocks would eat $13,000 dollars, what else would he do? Would he get up and open the emergency door? Would he set himself on fire with 2 ounces of deodorant? Would he stick his bic in the back of your neck because you reclined your seat.
I don’t know about you, but somebody starts eating a scratch off ticket on my aircraft, and I’m going to get involved. I’m going to get all up in his grill and let him know that if he does anything not sanctioned by the FAA and I’m coming over the seat back to see if he can digest my fist.
I’m tired of being shoved into a flying tube of crazy being forced to inhale the stench of lunacy and hoping that nobody takes us down in a firey burst of anger.
The airlines shouldn’t let just anyone get on the plane. Passengers should have to prove their worthy. Besides screening idiots at the airport, people should have to pass a mental test. Questions could range from:
Do you feel rage when you watch members of the opposite sex kiss? Do you like to bleed in public places? Do farm animals turn you on? Would you harm yourself to get on a reality tv show? Do you hope one day to have sex with 27 virgins in heaven? Do you now or have you ever lived in a cave with a guy named Osama? Do you care if your genitals are set on fire?
If passengers answer yes to any of these questions, it’s off to secondary inspection for a strip search and further DNA samples extracted with a turkey baster. As long as they ain’t flying with me I don’t care.
So the next time your fellow passenger shoves a winning lottery ticket in his mouth, make sure you shove your foot up his crazy terrorist ass.
And that is crazy.