You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!™
Eating your own beard in a lawnmower related dispute.
I’ve had to eat crow. I’ve eaten glass. I’ve eaten seaweed off the beach in Rosa Rita, Mexico.
But Beard?
I don’t do beard.
YUK!
This hairy tale can only come to you from South of the Mason Dixon Line where men are men and lawn care is serious.
The South isn’t just a geographical zone, it’s a state of mind, where men wrestle fish, and cheat on their wives with their pick up trucks and marrying your mother means you can also be your own daddy.
DATELINE: LAWRENCEBURG, Ky.
Only in this NASCAR friendly time zone, can something as simple as a lawn mower sale gone bad mean everyone shaves and chews hair.
Can you imagine wadding up the equivalent of a kitten and pushing it down your esophagus?
That’s what this round faced simpleton had to do.
According to the Associated Press, Harvey Westmoreland of Lawrenceburg claims two men cut off his beard, stuffed it into his mouth and forced him to eat it.
Harvey looks like a side of beef. You’d think a good ole boy raised on grits and gravey would put up a fight before having his own beard shoved down his throat.
Is he a wimp or were the other guys Godzilla and the Hulk?
Either way, I sure hope Harvey shampooed, because from the looks of Harvey, he has the complexion of a BP oil spill.
Harvey Westmoreland tells authorities he knows the guys who force fed him a steady diet of beard.
He calls them friends who got angry after lawn mower negotiations broke down.
“One thing led to another,” A hirsute Westmoreland tells local media outlets. “And before I knew it, there were knives and guns and everything just went haywire.”
Knives and guns and eating your beard. That’s called a shot gun wedding in Central Kentucky.
How the hell does a lawnmower sale gone bad lead to all this?
Doesn’t No, I won’t eat my beard, mean No in Kentucky? Is nothing sacred in the land of Cat Fish Noodling?
It just seems so back alley Baghdad doesn’t it?
Ahkmed, I want three rocks for my goat.
No I offer only my daughter in exchange.
You insult me, I will cut off your beard.
Go ahead I will grow new one. Take your rocks and leave my hut.
I guess Lawrenceburg, Kentucky is a little like a third world nation right in the Blue Grass state.
For what it’s work, Godzilla and the Hulk pleaded guilty to charges related to the incident and will be sentenced soon.
Word is, Super Cuts is interested in talking to the offenders once they get out of the slammer.
And that is crazy!