You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.
The reluctance of Americans to take responsibility for their own actions.
Slip in the supermarket. Sue the supermarket.
Drive into a phone pole. Sue the phone company.
Spill a hot coffee in your lap. Sue McDonalds.
Just when you thought it was safe to feel good about the world, I give you the Mall Misfit.
DATELINE: READING, Pennsylvania
You’ve seen the video.
A murky figure walks across a mall lobby, head down, then:
SPLASH
The texting fool falls in the fountain. She pulls herself out, gathers her saturated cell phone and walks away.
She should feel foolish. She should feel stupid. Not many people text their way into a 3 foot mall fountain. But all in all, it was pretty smooth. Nobody laughed. Nobody pointed fingers at her and called her texting twit.
But this Pennsylvania woman changed the game by questioning the professionalism of mall security workers after her splash down went viral.
The woman’s name is Cathy Cruz Marrero. She is reportedly upset because mall security workers laughed instead of rushing to make sure she was ok.
Come on lady. You fell in a 2 foot fountain while texting.
It was Laurel and Hardy funny. It was National Lampoon funny. It was the stuff of Saturday Night Live lore.
It is the mall equivalent of “Who’se on First.”
You walked into a fountain! How do you not see a fountain? Did you not hear it gurgling before you? Did you not see the swimming pool sized square in the middle of the mall?
You are America’s Funniest Home Videos meets America’s Stupidest Humans. Marrero has hired an attorney to look into the matter.
She should have hired a guide dog. This new millennium Hellen Keller needs a sherpa and a St. Bernard to get her to the parking lot appaently.
What did you expect mall security to do? rush out there with a life saving ring and some floaties?
This is what is wrong with Americans. We always want to blame others for something we should take responsibility for.
This moron walked into a fountain because she has a brain that generates as much cranial power as cold bacon.
Rather than pick up her pride and slide her soggy ass out the door, she started dialing lawyers.
You know what I would do as Judge Jury and Executioner in the Court of Crazy.
I’d make the mall misfit drive laps at the McDonalds drive thru. And each time she gets to the order window, employees would dump piping hot cups of coffee in her lap.
Disbarred Injury lawyers would be standing by handing out business cards with no phone numbers. She could dry herself off neon colored post it notes.
Remember that next time you text your way into a fountain idiot.
And that is crazy.