You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
FAFSA. STAFFORD. PELL GRANTS.
Getting your kid into college.
It is so freaking hard, filling out the forms makes me sweat.
It’s so damn scary, I want to cuddle with my boo boo blanky.
It’s so unbelievably stressful, doctors should warn us not to do it with too much salt.
It’s laborious and tedious and time consuming.
Rather than a right of passage for good parents.
It should be a penalty levied by court upon ax murderers.
I would love to see a felon stand at his sentencing hearing as the judge says:
“You burglarized 5 families. I sentence you to 6 years of figuring out college loan applications.”
No FAFSA applications for good behavior.
And with that the prisoner hangs his felonious head in college loan despair.
Prison should be 3 squares a day, not a torturous headache and 800 phone calls to New Dehli.
I have been sweating my son’s financials for months.
This year. Next year. A summer program that is rapidly approaching.
It’s harsh, like being a blind man walking through a tunnel full of razor blades.
Scholarships. Loans. Grants. Work Study.
My God. It’s a full time job.
“Hey boss, I gotta quit my job so I can work full time getting my kid into college.”
Trying to figure out how much school costs and what you need to save and borrow and steal is like trying to do Chinese Algebra wearing a paper suit in a hot tub.
It’s more difficult than pretending to be interested in your boss’ vacation stories.
Its lamer than a boy band wearing thongs and chaps.
How hard is it? I feel like I’ve been sitting up at night with a protractor, a slide rule and the university hot line on my speed dial.
I’ve called Sallie Mae and the Financial aid office 20 times. When I am not harassing them, I’m talking to the housing office. I’m asking about the food plan and the parking plan and the football plan.
What’s that mascot’s name again? It’s nuts.
It’s a dizzying assortment of pit falls and tasks to perform and boxes to check.
He’s in school and I’m all ready worrying about his next loan.
The kid has a class this summer. It’s out of state. It’s going to require travel expenses and lodging and food. He is going to need clothes and equipment and books. Because he goes to Alabama from Tennessee, he is considered an out of state student. That means it will cost him twice as much as the kid who lives in Alabama.
That sucks.
It’s a 6 week class in New Mexico. All the kids are from out of state.
It’s a shell game and the universities have us by the short hairs.
There are tax statements, and verification of income. There are co-signers and credit checks and my God, you need a college education just to figure out how to pay for a college education.
I’m sick of it. I’m tired of it. It should be easier.
There should be a better way to make the best kids in the best country the best.
College is a great idea, but at what cost?
It costs damn near $38,000 to send a kid to Bama, which ain’t exactly Stanford.
But it might as well be.
Financially, it’s an arm and a leg and a kick in the groin. I’m doubled over right now over an entrance document and I’m bleeding out of my eyes.
I’m not saying that everyone should be able to go to college for free or that the government should give us a hand out. I’m just saying that it shouldn’t be this hard to educate an American child past high school.
I’m not trying to smuggle a family of 8 over the border to get health benefits. I just want my kid to matriculate.
I’m not trying to buy liquor with food stamps. I’m just trying to get my kid a meal plan.
I’m not trying to sell my oxycodone that I got by faking a hip injury. I’m jut trying to buy books that he’ll sell back for half the value in 3 months.
I just want my son to go to college in Alabama. Is that too much to ask?
The last time I checked, Alabama was number 48 in every conceivable category. Reading writing skinny girls at the beach.
48th in everything, except how much it costs for an out of state kid to go to an in state college.
Give or take: $38,000 dollars a year to send a kid there simply because he lives out of state.
$38,000 to go to Alabama? Seriously? I’m not trying to buy a double wide as a meth factory.
Tennessee borders Alabama and I have to pay almost forty large.
It’s not like I’m trying to get into Harvard mind you.
The system is rigged. The deck is stacked against the little guy. If you ain’t a trust fund baby, educating your off spring is an exercise in futility.
It just seems that children who could prosper are sliding through the cracks, failing into the sewer of life, and the greatest nation on Earth is allowing it to happen.
How can we compete with the Japanese and Chinese and Indians and Europeans if our best and brightest can’t even go to college.
Many can’t go because they can’t afford and it’s too damn hard to qualify for loans, grants, and scholarships.
Are we destined to be a nation of drunk Dennis Rodmans screaming happy birthday to a diabolical dictator?
If I am having trouble paying for college, and I consider myself reasonably astute, I can’t imagine what less fortunate moms and dads are doing to get their litter educated.
If I can’t get a straight answer about grants and loans and I have a four year degree, what the hell?
Quite honestly, the whole thing pisses me off.
Dealing with financial aid offices can be frustrating.
Dealing with gigantic lenders like Sallie Mae is a maximum effort minimum results campaign.
I am thinking about going on permanent Spring Break.
Whose got the beer bong?
Education in this country -It’s a shame, it’s a sham, it’s a nightmare.
Life’s Crazy™