You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you crazy.™
Making insane claims you can’t back up.
Like saying you can move heaven and Earth when you can’t even get your fat ass out of the Lazy Boy.
From the shut your mouth department comes this story: A French Entrepreneur says he can end drought anywhere in the world by towing an iceberg.
Yeah and Bill Gates eats elephant dung on the Serengeti as a sorbet.
Shut Up!
This ain’t Joe Namath promising to win Superbowl 3 against all odds.
This is lying to yourself and the world on a ridiculous global level.
DATELINE: VELIZY-VILLACOUBLAY, France
According to published reports: Georges Mougin, 86, has championed his plan to harvest icebergs to solve water shortages for 40 years — and a computer simulation now shows that the ambitious project might be possible, The (London) Sunday Times reported.
Give me a break Mougin. You’re 86. You are a welcome mat for death and Alzheimer’s. You won’t see human beings tow an ice berg till a volcano sprouts in your ass. It ain’t gonna happen.
Here’s how the old senile entrepreneur’s plan reportedly works:
Engineers would encircle an iceberg with a harness that contains a skirt made from an insulating textile.
The skirt unfolds underwater and covers the iceberg to stop it from melting.
With the help of ocean currents, the iceberg is then towed to drought-stricken lands.
“They are floating reservoirs,” Mougin said.
No, they are ice bergs, mighty mountains floating on the sea.
So Let’s examine the Frenchman’s plan.
1. Putting a harness around an ice berg.
Good luck. Some ice bergs are hundreds of yards long. They are more rotund than Rosie O’Donnels thighs. They are colder than Nancy Grace’s love life. The only place you can order a harness that large is from the Orson Wells collection.
2. An insulating textile that keeps the ice berg from melting.
WTF? are you serious old dude? I can’t bring my sandwich to work in a thermos surrounded by ice without it getting warm. A sandwich! It weights 8 ounces. And you plan to float a mountain of ice to Mogadishu in 100 degree heat and keep it from melting? All you’re gonna do is raise the water level and freeze fish who like warm water. PETA is gonna love your ass.
3. TOW THE ICE BERG.
What the hell are you going to use to tow an ice berg? A chain and a tug boat? Something tells me icebergs, like Kardashian women, don’t like to be dragged anywhere, especially across the ocean.
4. With the help of the ocean currents?
What the hell does that mean? Does that mean float like a cork on an unpredictable sea. Does the ice berg float into the shipping lane and hope to be rescued by an oil freighter like Tom Hanks? Does the ice berg have a friend named Spalding? How bout bringing a polar bear along for the ride. Ice bergs reportedly love polar bears.
Old man formed his company, Iceberg Transport International, in 1976 but shelved his iceberg-towing project after he was told repeatedly that it was too expensive and too difficult.
Now that he is 40 years older and his brain waves sputtering like a lawn mower with no motor oil, the geezer is returning to craziness he should have abandoned in the 70’s.
According to published reports; A French software firm scammed the old man 2 years ago showing him computer models that might work.
The simulation proved that it was possible to tow a seven-ton (6.35-tonne) iceberg from the waters around Newfoundland, eastern Canada, to Spain’s Canary Islands in 141 days, with only 38 percent of the iceberg melting.
But the cost of the enterprise remains prohibitive. To tow the iceberg from Newfoundland to the Canary Islands would cost an estimated $9.8 million.
So there you have it. 10 million dollars worth of melting ice berg water. What could possibly be easier and more cost effective? Why not just buy a 1000 dollar toilet seat from the Pentagon. At least you could sit on that.
I wonder if thirsty people in Africa are prepared to quench their thirst for $100 dollars an ounce for ice berg water.
It makes Perrier seem like a bargain.
You’d be better off catching clams and letting the locals drink the juice from the shell. It’d be more cost effective to swallow your own spit.
When Joe Willie Namath predicted he would win Superbowl 3 everyone thought he was crazy.
When a French Entrepreneur predicts he can solve the world’s water problems by towing ice bergs across the world, everyone knows –
That’s just plain ass crazy.™