You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.
Grunting in women’s tennis!
The 4th of July historically means fireworks and family and Wimbledon Tennis.
I’m sitting here watching the tournament and suddenly it dawns on me: Why are female tennis players so damn loud. They are like Gorillas in the Mist, expelling so much air, so forcefully, it is explosive.
GRUNT. AARGH. OOOHMPF.
It’s like fireworks inside the game. It’s not discreet. It is overt. It is loud. It is so loud, you wonder if it is loud on TV or is it loud in person.
Mostly I wonder, why the hell do they make so much noise?
ESPN outside the Lines actually Investigated this issue.
Women’s Tennis Grunting. Seems like a strange topic, but as I listen to it, I learn that I am not the only one wondering why women tennis players make so much freaking noise when they play.
It seems that grunting has been a part of women’s tennis for decades.
Think back to the late 80’s with Monica Seles.
She grunted like she was being attacked by rabid bats in a dark cave.
Every single shot, a vociferous burst, like she was getting a needle stuck in her eye.
She grunted so loudly, it was a running joke on late night tv. There was a commercial where she went shopping and everything she touched in the store, was accentuated by a grunt. Pick up a chicken: ARGH. Grab an apple. ARGH. Hilarious, but true.
Hit the ball.
AARGH
Return serve.
AARGH.
It was ridiculous.
And things haven’t gotten any quieter.
Watch a woman’s tennis match now and it sounds like dogs humping in a back alley under a full moon.
Venus hits the ball. AARGH
Sharapova smashes a winner.
AARGH.
Iconic tennis star, Martina Navratilova is sick of it. She said she hated it then and she hates it now.
Other players agree calling it annoying at the very least.
Navratilova says it is hurting the game. It hurts the fans, she says.
“The grunting is driving us crazy”
Stacy Allaster, is CEO of the women’s tennis association. She says she has heard the fan’s complaints about grunting. “it’s a growing concern from fans around the world. It’s too loud and they don’t like it.”
The tennis CEO says a noise meter for the chair umpire is one of the possible options.
A noise meter? You’d have a better chance of calling balls and strikes with Doppler radar.
Why do women grunt? Why don’t men grunt? Is this something primal?
Football players growl. Baseball players spit chewing tobacco. Hockey players drop their gloves and bloody your face.
So tennis players grunt. Is it a big deal only at Wimbledon where tradition is to be quiet and lady like, to curtsy to the queen, to wear white?
Maybe.
But legislate sound? How do you do it? and what’s next? legislate how players look? No more tattoos? No hair streaks? Where does it end?
Rafael Nadal picks his ass between points. He pulls his underwear out of his ass cheeks and then wipes his face, on almost every serve. Do you penalize him for picking his ass? Is there an ass-pick-meter. If there is an emergency in tennis I think it’s Nadal’s ass.
The NFL says you can’t dance in the endzone. But the NFL doesn’t say you can’t grunt.
I say women’s tennis is cool with the grunting. the women are hot and the grunting is kind of sexy, kind of like they are really really enjoying what they are doing if you know what I mean.
I say promote the grunts and limit the ass picking.
And that is crazy.