You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Food Fraud.
abc news reports that much of the food in our house is counterfeit.
Counterfeit food? It’s so disturbing.
Soylent Green is people. Are my pringles part of a dietary conspiracy?
Fake Food in the grocery store is more wide spread than you might expect.
According to the american grocery association, 7 percent of the food supply could be laced with fraudulent ingredients.
Expensive Olive oil is reportedly mixed with cheaper vegetable oil.
I guess it’s better than motor oil or skunk vomit, but please!!!!!
Pomegranate juice is mixed with grape juice? Why? How much money is that saving the company?
They say that black pepper is cut with stems and twigs.
Really? Stems and twigs? Why not hypodermic needles from a methodone clinic?
Ass H***s!
And tea bags are filled with common lawn grass. Common lawn grass. Are you serious?
I’ve cut the lawn. I’ve bagged it. I’ve seen the nastiness that comes out of the lawn. I’m drinking that? Man that pisses me off.
How dare they put lawn clippings in my tea?
The experts suggest grinding your own food.
Grind your own pepper, grind your own coffee, grind your own tea.
More like Grind my Gears.
Who the hell do these food people think they are?
They’re shoving leaves and twigs and motor oil down our gullets and they are duping us because they can. It makes me want to push some food executive up the back end of a bovine.
Grind my own food?
Why not slaughter my own cow and milk my own goats and churn my own cheese.
Why don’t I bake my own bread and pickle my own pickles and mash my own tomato paste like some sort of crazed I love Lucy episode.
You think I’m Amish?
You think I’m the damn farmer in the Dell?
I’m an angry consumer who wants his food to be 100 percent food and zero percent lawn.
If the label says apple sauce, it damn well better be 100 percent Johnny Appleseed endorsed fruit!
I don’t want castor oil or Eel oil in my Virgin Olive Oil.
If the Ketchup says whole tomatoes, then I better not find out that it has owls blood or worm puss.
What I’m saying is be honest with me. I’ll pay the price for a product that is what it purports to be.
But if I find out that the Starbucks I’m brewing is filled with petrified rat droppings, I’m gonna be pissed.
In fact, I all ready am.
and that is crazy.™