A world so inter-connected that even underpants can now communicate with the World Wide Web.
HUH?
DATELINE: AUSTRALIA
According to the (AFP) – whatever the hell AFP is, an Australian company is rolling out the world’s first electronic underpants.
Yeah, it’s like an iphone for your ass. Call it the Pee-POD, or Tinkle – Technology?
The company claims that the cyber diapers sense when a person has wet themselves. That’s when the underpants automatically send a text message to the “Mother Ship” that someone has gone wee wee.
The product was designed to help care givers in nursing homes get to patients faster.
In theory an electronic diaper is suppose to make life better. The idea is a care giver is sent a text that Mrs. Johnson has a load of crap in her pants. The Care giver can then quit playing dice in the kitchen with all the illegals and change Mrs. Johnson quickly eliminating health issues and preserving her dignity.
But is this dignified? Is having your crotch wired for HBO a good thing?
Text messages from your underpants? Who controls the info and where does it go? Does it stop at Nurse Nancy or is Diane Sawyer getting a bulletin that Uncle Charlie messed himself.
“Incontinence management is a key area in which innovative technologies can benefit aged care,” said chief executive Philippa Lewis.
“We developed SIMsystem to provide greater comfort and dignity to the elderly while aiming to significantly lower costs for aged care facilities.”
The company says its underpants have a detachable transmitter that relays readings from the pad’s sensor strip over a wireless network to a central computer. That’s a lot of information for urine don’t you think? Whose to say I don’t electrocute myself in my own urine? I just don’t like the idea of surfing the web with my colon. It’s creepy!
Do we really need to shove a transistor down grandpa’s pants to make sure he’s dry? I think some things are best done “old school.”
Your dad and mom changed your diaper when you were born. Sadly, now it’s your turn to repay the favor.
“Hey dad, how you doing?”
If he says he’s had an accident, then you help him out. It’s the human touch. It’s people still caring about people.
What’s next? A transistor in my colon that monitors possible gas emissions. Will it text the man in the bed next to me to put on his surgical mask? When does technologies iron grip on us end?
Technology is a beautiful thing, but not at the expense of human interaction. If we are getting computers to do things that children should be doing for their parents and humans should be doing for one another, then I am not sure I am a fan of the new technology.
So take your transistors that monitor adult diapers and shove them where the sun don’t shine.
Next time you take you go Number 1, text that to Diane Sawyer.
Life’s Crazy