Cash for Caskets

The government using your tax payer money to bury poor people.

I was working out the other day and suddenly FOX news is flashing a crawl across the bottom third of the screen.

The super says: Cash for Caskets.

That’s a wild concept, I think to myself wiping the sweat from my brow, wishing I had a a tax payer purchased towel.

The FOX experts are animated about the cash for caskets issue.

“It’s nothing like cash for clunkers,” they scream. “It’s just a government hand out.

First: you need to understand Cash for Clunkers.

The program has cost you and me billions of dollars. That’s the bad part. The good part is it has put a lot of money into the pockets of auto dealers and it has put a lot of fuel efficient cars on the road.

It can be argued it is a win – win – win. It’s a win for the auto dealers, it’s a win for the economy, and it’s a win for the citizens who get a brand new car.

Now let’s talk bout Cash for caskets.

According to the news savants at FOX: The idea behind Cash for caskets is quite simply this: tax payer money goes to bury indigent people.

According to USA Today: Coroners and funeral directors in several cities say the number of people seeking government-paid funerals, cremations and burials is spiking. Most counties and states will use public money to cremate or bury people who are too poor to pay for private services.

Here’s my insensitive question: When is it going to end? Why am I paying for your burial?

Man that sounds harsh. Harsh like Rosie O’Donnel wearing a thong – HARSH! But sometimes harsh times call for harsh viewpoints.

We’ve all ready seen Cash for Clunkers, Cash for Insurance Companies, Cash for badly managed banks, and Cash for auto Companies that made terrible cars.

I say enough all ready! Rosie O’Donnel please cover yourself up with a Snuggie!

Will it end? Probably not and here’s why: Because the multi layered, every expanding U.S. Government is driving the ship. Who even controls this ice berg of a nation floating aimlessly toward the equator. And who the hell understands the numbers that are being disseminated.

There are so many zero’s attached to these daily figures, you would think you were adding the collective I.Q.’s of the Real House Wives of Atlanta.

It’s so overwhelming, the only way to understand what is happening is to break it down. How would this work at your house?

Let’s say I want to eat Filet Mignon. TASTY! BUT EXPENSIVE! It is the Cadillace of steak, fetching $17.00 a pound at my Publix SuperMarket. 3 pounds and you are talking like 60-dollars. That’s an expensive meal huh?

Common sense would dictate that I just go and buy some hamburger and fire up the grill. But under the new administration’s philosophy, CASH FOR WHATEVER, WHENEVER, instead of buying what I can afford and living within my budget, Just go to my neighbor’s house and take the 60 dollars from his night stand. Don’t ask for it! Just take it! Maybe I tell him later, maybe I just send him a muddled press release through my P.R. office.

Where I come from that’s called stealing. But when your government is doing it, the obfuscation is thicker than shaving cream on the mirror. Sometimes I wonder if the carnies at the Wilson County fair would be less shady about running the economy.

Here’s a concept: manage the nation’s bank account like we manage our home budget. If you can’t afford it, then don’t buy it. Interesting concept huh?

This comes on the news today (8-25-09) that the Federal Deficit is going to explode to more than 7 trillion dollars over the next ten years. That’s your money and your children’s money and your grandchildren’s money, and all the money that has ever been printed or ever will be printed. If you laid all the dollar bills end to end you would have enough to circumnavigate Rush Limboughs ego.

But people glaze over like gelatanous goo when they hear figures like this SO MANY BILLION THIS OR SO MANY TRILLION THAT.

It’s like asking your kid’s school bus driver to navigate her bus to the Moon. To most humans, it just isn’t something we’re equipped to understand.

Why? Because it’s almost incomprehensible. I mean, what the hell is a trillion dollars anyway? It’s a pretend word like gagapoop or ballywisdom. TRILLION! It doesn’t mean anything in normal life, so it doesn’t illicit fear and angst like it should.

I understand the mechanics of a tax payer funded incentives like Cash for Clunkers. The idea is to jump start the economy. I might not agree with it, but I understand it. I see the rationale of not letting a Gigantic Corporation like G.M. go belly up like a carp on the sand. Just the psychological ass whooping of this kind of collapse would bring the stock market to its knees. Letting the banks fail would be like pouring sugar into the nation’s economic gas tank.

So I understand the premise behind Cash for Clunkers. But I don’t understand Cash for caskets. This seems less like a necessity and more like a freebie.

I have a problem with the government reaching into my wallet and taking money from my family and then giving it to someone to bury a loved one.

Man that sounds terrible huh?

I mean people die and then they deserve to be buried with respect. But that costs money and well here we go again. Just float them a few thousand dollars and well, who is going to miss that?

It all adds up. 9 TRILLION remember?

In ancient days, the dead were wrapped in a cloth and buried in a hole in the dirt. In the wild west maybe you were put in a pine box, maybe not. The Vikings set the dead adrift on a raft full of kindling and burned the deceased so they could reunite with God.

The L.A. Coroner is reporting that the number of indigent deaths has increased almot 100-percent from 2007 to 2008.

I understand the need to dispose of corpses in a sanitary and appropriate way. I understand a need for reverence and respect for the dead. But at what cost? And on whose dime?

If you can make a case for tax payer funded caskets and burials, where do you draw the line?

How bout Cash for Flat Panel TV’s: You could make the arguement that a flat panel on your wall will make you feel better about yourself and if you feel better about yourself, then you’ll be in a better frame of mind to make money and spend it, thus juicing the economy, benefitting all.

How Bout Cash for Condoms : You could make the arguement that if people have more condoms, then they will have fewer children. Fewer children means less money spent on happy meals and more money spent on super sizing your order. That pumps more money into the economy.

How bout cash for clothes: I need a new pair of jeans and I always work harder for my country when I’m wearing pants.

Cash for beer. I don’t know if the government buying me beers would be good for anyone or anything, but I sure would be appreciative.

Cash for Cash. here’s a novel idea. Let’s take 100 dollars from peter and give that 100 dollars to paul. Let’s take 100 dollars from Paul and give it to Simon. The idea is everyone gets 100 dollars and the people who print the money get a nice big bonus for creating worthless paper.

The idea behind cash for THIS and cash for THAT, seems to be: if we don’t do it the economy will collapse upon itself like a house of cards.