You know what’s Crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Captain America The Winter Soldier.
What makes it so crazy?
The fact that this over the top action adventure is filtered through a prism of high octane Imax 3D.
The movie is a non stop explosion.
Adding IMAX 3D is like adding panthers and Asian porn to a bachelor party.
Captain America by itself is intense.
The winter soldier is angrier than a castrated pit bull.
The you add in Imax 3D, and your private parts shrivel.
At times the theater is literally moving. It’s so much vision, so much sound, so much energy, I feel like I am behind the wheel of a tank rolling over the skulls over other theater goers
The movie is loud by itself. The venue only intensifies the experience.
Sitting calmly in my theater lounge chair is like straddling the top of an idling V8 engine.
There is so much action, at times the theater is a blender with the top off.
It’s a shot of tequilla chased with nitro glycerine and a match.
The Thoroughbred theater is so frenzied during fight sequences, it’s a detonation of sonic booms that crush your ear canal in an IMAX vice grip.
The 3-d glasses are big as ski goggles. We look like an audience of poor sighted seniors going to an early bird buffet.
The screen is the size of a building, bigger than Rush Limbaugh’s ego.
The experience is enjoyable, like making love in broken glass.
My ears are still ringing. I can still hear the metal of Samuel L. Jackson’s car sliding on the asphalt as a dozen Hydra agents blast his bullet proof SUV with armor piercing rounds.
Each bullet hits my auditory canal. It’s like brushing my teeth with a bottle rocket.
Why did I choose 3D and IMAX.
It seems excessive.
I enjoyed the movie. It’s a good story in a suspended belief kind of way. But there’s a point where $30 dollars for 2 tickets shouldn’t hurt my wallet or ears. there’s a point where you shouldn’t pray to Jesus for a quiet scene, a Captain America retrospection. I wanted to stick my fingers in my ears but I refrained from doing so.
I’m paying the price now. Everything has a ring as if I am listening to the world through a tuning fork.
How much hearing did I destroy with one action adventure?
I would say Captain American IMAX 3D is the equivalent of 2 AC/DC concerts back to back, seated inside the big bell that Brain Johnson slams with a sledge hammer.
Ouch.
I recommend the movie. I recommend IMAX and 3D. But bring your ear plugs and a bottle of aspirin for the headache you will most assuredly have at the end of 120 minutes.
It’s full contact karate while eating popcorn with big goggles on your face.
Life’s Crazy™