burning sperm

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!

Hot lovin! We all want some hot lovin right?

But not if sperm burns! HUH? What kind of craziness are you spewing forth professor?

Apparently a new bride discovered that she’s allergic to her husband’s semen. They only found this out when they stopped having protected sex. Guess when that was? Their wedding night, of course. Nothing says I do like ejaculatory fire ants.

You can’t even make this crap up.

Julie Boyde says her husband’s sperm burns like fire inside her.

Her husband, now the blue balls champion of the neighborhood, was over heard meekly saying; “I’ll wear protection, baby, I promise, honey. Please!”

Every man wants to make his woman climb the wall in bed, just not because their Uterus’s are a house on fire.

Stop, drop and roll takes on a whole new dimension in the bedroom when your uterus is on fire, doesn’t it?

Honestly, all craziness aside, this is the real deal.

Here’s what the sad bride told ABC news :”Pretty much right after, I knew something was not right because I was in a lot of pain. The pain that I was feeling was inside, kind of like, somebody was sticking needles up inside of me and like a burning, like really painful burning.”

Wow, that is some crazy talk huh? What a dilemma. Marital sex is crazy enough without acid sperm entering the equation.

When asked on a scale of 10 what the pain in her private place was like; Julie squeezed her abdominal area real tight and shouted; Ten!

For those of you keeping score, “10 out of 10” hot is good for Buffalo Wings, but bad for sperm.

Doctors say the condition is rare, calling it Seminal Plasma Hypersensitivity. Ok doc, if that is what you call it. Because I call it “Insta-divorce!”

Doctors say Julie’s body is attacking her husband’s semen as it would a dangerous foreign protein. Sad, but I think Julie’s Uterus is doing to his sperm now, what her entire being will do to his manhood 7 years from now.

Poor Mr. Julie. He is so so screwed.

“Sperm is dangerous!” This is not new news to any father who has daughters. It is a foreign substance that should be handled only by professionals.

But when you are married, at some point, you need to leave the protection in the drawer and get down to the business of conceiving.

The problem is, if your obstetrician has to wear oven mitts to catch baby, then Houston we have a problem.

So what is this couple going to do?

According to published reports; The Boydes tried allergy shots but that didn’t work. They tried a fire extinguisher bed side. That didn’t work. Apparently Mr. Hyde’s swimmers still have the caustic bite of hydrochloric acid.

So until they can counteract the fire ants in his pants sensation, the Hydes will forgo unprotected sex and consider adopting.

A great option for a truly Crazy dilemma.