You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
BULL SEMEN CLOSES HIGHWAY!
I didn’t just make that up. That’s an actual headline because it actually happened.
I didn’t just make that up. That’s an actual headline because it actually happened.
DATELINE: NASHVILLE, Tenn
Traffic on I-65 was jam packed Tuesday morning because of strange canisters in the middle of the roadway. They looked like the landing gear from a UFO or a suicide cocktail from an al quaida jihadist.
The containers were definitely suspicious and even a little scary at first.
The containers were definitely suspicious and even a little scary at first.
To be safe, respirator wearing emergency responders came and shut the highway down, re-routing motorists.
People were pissed. If only they knew that bull semen was the reason they were going to be late to work. Bull semen detours are not what commuters want at 5am.
“Why was the interstate so crowded today,” My aunt asked me.
I laughed out loud.
How do you choose the right words to explain this to a 60 something year old woman?
The simple answer?
Bull Semen.
But who the hell wants to say bull semen in front of a 60 year old woman?
I don’t even like writing the words.
It all starts around 5am when the first motorist calls in to report a road hazard.
Motorists didn’t know what they were reporting. They just knew that something large and metallic was blocking the road. So when emergency crews arrive, they find cylindrical vessels scattered in the roadway. And what’s scary, they are emitting a cloudy vapor.
What the hell? Grizzled fire fighters and emergency crews scratched their heads.
Is it radioactive? Is it anthrax? Was this some sort of Al Quaida threat?
Nope.
Bull Semen.
How’d they figure it out?
Crews discovered lost bus tickets from Greyhound on the ground.
A bus spokesperson tells local reporters a bottom compartment on a bus opened and the canisters fell out.
It wasn’t long before haz mat teams determined that the canisters were filled with frozen bull sperm packed in liquid nitrogen.
Sounds like something the Japanese would serve at a high rent restaurant.
Bull Semen? I bet they don’t cover that in fire fighter 101.
Sounds like something the Japanese would serve at a high rent restaurant.
Bull Semen? I bet they don’t cover that in fire fighter 101.
Greyhound buses commonly carry cargo, in addition to passengers, a Greyhound spokesperson told WKRN-TV.
But Bull Semen? Really?
According to Channel 2 News, the sperm was en route to a cattle breeding facility in Texas. Cattle breeding experts say the containers could have been worth as much as $80,000.
That’s a lot of sperm.
I wonder how much a canister of human sperm would be worth? From the Donald? From the local Wino? From the Situation?
How bout rhino sperm? Do bats have sperm?
How bout rhino sperm? Do bats have sperm?
It’s kind of nasty to even think about.
What’s funnier is how the news-story was portrayed that night.
Dignified anchors tried to deliver the story.
ANCHOR: Good evening. The interstate was shut down for hours this morning. Emergency responders say canisters of Bull Semen fell out of a Greyhound bus.
I swear I caught the male anchor smirking.
ANCHOR: Good evening. The interstate was shut down for hours this morning. Emergency responders say canisters of Bull Semen fell out of a Greyhound bus.
I swear I caught the male anchor smirking.
BULL SEMEN is just not a sequence of words you want to say together on live television. It’s right up there with digital penetration and masturbation. These are not good TV words.
The Lorena Bobbit story was one of these titillating stories.
Poor anchors constantly had to say “severed penis” with a straight face.
That’s why they get paid the big bucks.
So the next time you’re in a traffic jam be glad it’s something normal and not bull semen.
And you thought pot holes were problematic.
And that is crazy.™