Letting animals fly in the same cabin with people.
Suddenly, I’m seeing news reports about animal airlines.
When the hell did this become ok? When Monkey’s fly that’s when? Well that is suppose to be a slogan that means; that will never happen in a million years, so I’ll do that thing I don’t want to do when monkey’s fly. Well guess freaking what? Monkey’s might just be flying, in coach!
Are you kidding me? I gotta battle a freaking monkey for the aisle seat? I got to negotiate monkey excrement and bad monkey breath from Nashville to Phoenix? Not on my dime, monkey boy.
Now maybe monkeys aren’t allowed in the friendly skies, but just about any other lap creature is.
A Gila monster, as long as it is not fire breathing, it’s OK. A Chihuahua? no problema. Cats, as long as they aren’t vomiting battery acid; Welcome aboard sparky.
You know what I say; If your pet doesn’t fit in your shirt pocket, I say put it in a cage and stow it under the plane.
END OF STORY!
But that is not the current trend. People are buying seats for their dogs. Cats are acquiring frequent flyer miles. Squirrels and snakes and gerbils are joining the mile high club.
Remember back in the 60’s when people actually put on shirts and ties to fly. Women wore dresses. children were well behaved. It was a big deal to fly, and people behaved themselves and showed some class. Animals in the cabin? NOT A CHANCE! Now it’s Noah’s Ark of flying stink. It’s stand in line and every man and four footed critter for himself. It really pisses me off.
The whole idea of a dog taking a big steamy dump on the floor of a jet liner is about as appealing as licking squid eyeballs.
Can you imagine four hours next to a doberman pincher passing gas? Aromatic airlines; now please engage the oxygen masks for some fresh air.
“He likes to look out the window when the plane takes off and naps the rest of the way,” One passenger tells CNN
Oh he likes to look out the window and then he naps the rest of the way. Yeah, that is until he lifts his leg and urinates on your carry on bag.
Nothing says hello in flight like dog urine saturating into your clothes at 36,000 feet.
CNN :Blame America’s pet obsession, but in recent years, more members of the airline industry are embracing dogs and cats on board. Midwest Airlines may be an extreme example, letting select dogs sit in the same seats as humans, but other airlines are relaxing their pet policies by letting smaller cats and dogs come into the cabin area.
“They are just passengers with four legs instead of two,” said Susan Kerwin, who oversees the pet program at Midwest Airlines.
If only that was true. They are dogs who lick themselves because they can. They are cats who cough up hairballs of gooey stomach vomit. They are barking, stinky creatures that need open spaces and frequent potty breaks.
How do you calm down a Golden Retriever who doesn’t understand turbulence. Where do you walk a dog that has the squirts? You can’t push him into the lavatory and then stick his ass over the blue bowl, can you?
How do you explain that to the passenger in 16-D?
I think pets flying in the cabin with passengers is crazy; but I guess if pet enthusiasts want to travel with and only with other pet enthusiasts, I am OK with that.
And wouldn’t you know it, there is a specialty airline that caters to that very market. It’s called Pet Airways, and it bills itself as an airline exclusively for pets. It flies to five major cities, including New York and Los Angeles.
I know that airlines are hemorrhaging money and they will look for any way to make money, and flying pets is a way to do that.
I for one do not want to sit next to a poodle and inhale pet dander. Sneezing up poodle hair in a confined space is crazy! I think that the threat of a law suit after someone goes into asthmatic shock would do away with these four footed flights.
What has the airline industry come to? Coach is all ready like a Peruvian church bus going up a mountain pass.
“Hey Poncho, can your goat move his head? I can’t see the decapitated chickens on the side of the mudslide!”
Discount airlines are all ready a free for all. It’s the running of the bulls at Pamplonia just to get a seat. It’s all ready a four hour flight of screaming babies, and toddlers eye balling you over the back of the seat. It’s loud talking strangers who fill your ear hole with useless banter you don’t want. It’s big bottomed flyers at the window seat asking to get up two or three times during the flight, rubbing their sweaty ass thighs on your knee caps as they try and squeeze their 300 pounds of mass into the aisle.
Yeah right? And now you have the risk of getting bitten by someone’s little dog? Give me a break, please.
According to CNN, Ann Kerns, a 63-year-old teacher in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, experienced continuous wheezing on a four-hour US Airways flight to Phoenix, Arizona. At the end of the flight, she was shocked to find that there had been a cat sitting under her seat.
“What would have happened if I went into an attack at 35,000 feet in the air?” she asked.
Airlines say they routinely disinfect the cabins? Really? I don’t think so. Your plane lands. People get off. People get on. The plane takes to the sky. there’s no cleaning crew removing animal hair. There are schedules to maintain. Time is money. There is no time for a cleaning crew to come in and vacuum up pet hair. Sorry about those sinuses pal. Have you ever looked in the seat back in front of you? It’s loaded with goo that is still warm from the last SWINE FLU infected bastard who coughed up a loogie and decided to wedge it down there with the rest of enigmatic goo that flies the friendly skies.
Terry Trippler, a travel expert, recalls an unpleasant incident years ago when a dog had diarrhea three rows in front of him.
“You could certainly smell it,” he wrote in an e-mail. “The only real way to solve the problem is no pets in the cabin.”
United Airlines once promoted themselves as “flying the friendly skies.”
Midwest Airlines slogan could be :I love the smell of dog diarrhea in closed quarters.
Now that is freakin crazy!