You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Bacon Deodorant.
It’s like washing your face with ham or exfoliating with a lamb chop.
Putting the equivalent of a pound of Oscar Mayer under your arm has to make you say “Damn that’s crazy.”
Bacon Scented Speed Stick.
Huh?
Is this a Saturday Night Live skit?
The good folks at J&D foods are proud to announce this new product. J&D is the company that brought you bacon salt and bacon shaving cream and bacon sun screen.
The boys love their bacon.
According to their web site: Justin and Dave are just two regular guys who won money on America’s Funniest Home Videos® and used it to launch their first product, Bacon Salt®. That’s right, salt that makes everything taste like bacon.
I really like Justin and Dave. They are fun and irreverent and don’t take themselves too seriously.
How could you when Bacon is your holy grail?
I’ve written about J&D Foods in this space before.
They are bacon-liciously crazy.
If it can be consumed, snorted, adhered, lathered or ingested, they will figure a way to coat it or chemically co-mingle it with bacon and sell it.
If they could create a new sub atomic molecule for the periodic chart, bacon would be that element.
I love Justin and Dave’s flippant disregard for conventional wisdom.
J&D cares about traditional marketing like a FBI MOST WANTED cares about jay walking ordinances.
Here’s how they begin their latest press release:
J&D’s POWER BACON™ Deodorant For When You Sweat Like A Pig. POWER BACON is the Meaty Fresh evolution of J&D’s meat flavored and scented health and beauty products division. Designed specifically for people with active lifestyles, POWER BACON provides 24 hours of Bacon Scent. For all day meat scented protection apply liberally to underarms or private areas. Do not eat, leave exposed to sunlight or explore the wilderness without a firearm(s). Not for sale in Alaska. j.k. we’ll totally take your money if you live in Alaska. Come on…
Brilliant. Stupid. Insipid. Mind altering dumb. Bacon flavored fun. Pork products where no pork products have dared to market before.
It is absolutely so moronic, it is a masterpiece. It’s the Pulitzer prize of bacon marketing.
If the idea is to generate p.r. then J&D know how to beat the hog.
The first question a normal person might have is why would you create a deodorant that smells like bacon? And maybe more importantly, who the hell would buy it?
I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t.
But obviously the company thinks someone will. So The question is; how do you sell deodorant that makes you smell like frying pan grease in a Pennsylvania dutch kitchen.
If I believe anything in life; it’s this. Everything in life is sales.
They say a good salesman can sell ice to Eskimos.
Well, a better salesman will have to sell me on the scent of bacon permeating my sweaty arm pits.
If I was a caveman looking for a little cave love with a prehistoric pachyderm, perhaps Power Bacon is the cologne of choice.
If I want to french kiss a an Arctic Wolf, I’m coating my ass with bacon flavored roll on.
But in 2013, is a woman going to dig my bacon flavored musk?
Yo baby, lick me. I have less cholesterol than the other guys.
When you go to a bar, you can wink and say “Hey baby. I’m part pig, part animal, part grunting force of nature.”
I can fry myself up in the pan and never make myself forget I am a man.
I don’t even know what that means.
Ultimately, women could be turned off by garbage flies circling your fermenting under arms.
And if she make it past the flies, what about competing with starving wolverines?
Can you imagine walking in the woods wearing Bacon Power?
You are a salavating hordourvs for a grizzly bear.
I would say you had better have a shot gun and a pick ax along with that condom you carry in your wallet, sport.
Here is how J&D rationalize its latest product launch:
The global deodorant market is forecasted to reach $16 billion by 2018, driven primarily by product innovation, advancing male grooming and the growing importance of smelling incr-edible-y awesome. Our analysis shows the meat scented segment represents approximately 20% of that global demand — that’s a very easily attainable $3 billion dollar forecast for our meat-scented musk. Honestly people, I think we can all agree we’re being a bit more realistic than Twitter here.
All I know is the idea is absurd.
When I think of applying bacon under my arm, I also think of being exercised by priests and spitting up pea soup while my head rotates like a swivel chair at Rooms R Us.
Go get em Bacon boys.
People laughed at the Wright Bros. too.
Life’s Crazy™