You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
The addictive power of Oreos.
A new study says the delicious cookie is as addictive as cocaine.
Why is everything compared to cocaine?
Shopaholics and cocaine? Exercise junkies and cocaine? Sex addicts and cocaine?
Now it is Oreos being compared to cocaine
I could have told you that.
I’d snort an Oreo cookie if I could.
It is a messy way to ingest the chocolately goodness. But if you need a fix, if you are jonesing for something full of lard and sugar than this is the quickest way to get it into your system.
You can always tell an Oreo snorter. They are jittery and talkative and have black cookie crumbs hanging out of their nostrils like high caloric boogers.
Not sure what Pablo Escobar would say about that.
I bet more people would smoke an Oreo than a crack rock given the chance.
Grade school kids, stay at home moms and college kids have long known that this twisty sandwich of sugary goodness is delicious.
And you can’t just eat one.
Oreos are to pantry foods what Sirens are to sailors and dangerous coast lines.
Oreos call to you, they lure you in, place you under a spell, then dash you across the rocks of poor eating habits and burgeoning waist lines.
Oreos are so good, they splash across your taste buds like a sugar coated fourth of July.
I don’t even know what all this means.
Back to the study: Oreos addictive as cocaine?
Of course. Isn’t that their motto?
The real question is, who hell commissions these studies?
Connecticut College Professor of Neurosciences, Joseph Schroeder, that’s who.
He says the study is designed to shed light on the potential addictiveness of high-fat/ high-sugar foods.
That sounds good in a grant application, but really, shouldn’t you be finding a cure for cancer Mr. Schroeder?
Look in the dictionary and next to the term high fat high sugar foods and you will see the beloved Oreo.
The cookie was invented in 1912. That’s the year the Titanic sank. It’s the year the South Pole was discovered.
101 years later they decide to give lab rats a bunch of Oreos and see how they react?
Hmmm. How’d that work out?
Hi there, I’m a rat. I normally eat my own poop. I live in wet garbage. I am despised by humanity as the symbol of all that is vile.
Which do I like better? Oreos or poop?
Yes, I believe I will have another cookie.
What a dumb study.
College kids with the munchies could have told you that without wasting a single dollar of tax payer money or getting another rat hooked on a sugary food product.
Don’t these scientists realize there are starving kids in India?
I don’t even know what that means?
Oreos are so good, they are like sex in your mouth.
Chocolate cookies compressing an inch thick clump of white stuff that is so powerfully sweet, it makes your pulse quicken.
What is that lump of white goodness between the chocolate wafers?
It can’t possibly be filled with vitamins or anything healthy. It’s probably banned by the Olympics as a PED substance. It’s so good it’s on the confectionary no fly list.
That white stuff is crack to rats and almost every other creature with a mouth.
The Oreo.
101 years of addictive, sinful, cookie lusting love.
You can commission a study to find anything you want.
But when it comes to the Oreo, all you had to do was ask.
Life’s Crazy™