You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Losing and losing and losing and losing.
I’m a man falling off the side of a fantasy football cliff.
The only thing that breaks my fall is a kiss from my sister.
Yuk.
My season is bad.
How bad?
I have no wins.
My season is so bad, I have scored fewer times than a spelling Bee Champion on spring break.
I have more injuries than the cast of Jack Ass riding down a hill in a shopping cart.
How bad is my season?
I have a tie that actually feels like a win at this point.
Sad and demented but social, someone in the Breakfast Club once said.
A tie. It’s like kissing your sister.
pucker up sis, because you’re the best I got.
A tie is the closest thing I have to a win.
A tie?
It’s like emptying water out of a row-boat that has holes.
It’s frustrating as hell.
Fantasy Football should be fun.
OH FOR SEPT / OCTOBER.
ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?
O FER…
How does that happen?
Even a blind squirrel finds a nut they say.
Well right now, my nuts are shriveled, wrinkled and less animated than a Disney feature.
I am a self-proclaimed football guy.
I watch every game and check the waiver wires and manage a 2nd leeg, mostly for fun.
DirecTV Channel 212 is on my speed dial, you know what I’m saying hard cores?
Yet here I am, five weeks into my money league and I’m o-4-1.
That’s like four losses and one sister kiss.
I have won this leeg 3 times in 19 years.
I have been powerful. I have been mediocre. I have been weak.
I’m almost always competitive.
This year I’m kitty litter stinking up the hall closet.
I’m not only weak, I’m feeble.
I’m in an old folks home getting fed pabulum through a straw.
My roster is on a waiver wire ventilator.
I’m a gerbil in a wheel powering a Ford Pick Up truck.
I suck in several languages including Farsi.
I don’t even know what that means.
As a coach, I am limp. I am in a geriatric ward in need of fantasy football Viagra.
No wins for the season.
That’s like being the only woman in a San Francisco bath house and having the 2nd best bikini wax.
Sure, I could still limp into the playoffs. Anything’s possible.
I mean Hugh Hefner is still sleeping with 20-year-old bunnies, right?
There are still 9 games left.
I could win all 9.
I would be 9-4-1.
That would be respectable, something I could be proud of.
9 wins?
That would be an accomplishment after posting a goose egg for the fall.
But I got to get that 1st win first.
They say the 1st time is the hardest time. Once you get it once, you figure out how to do it twice.
So here’s to getting my 1st.
Now if only someone can get Marshawn Lynch and Shady McCoy to quit jerking off and carry the ball like 1st and 2nd round picks.
Until then, O for will keep plugging away.
Anyone got the number to the Playboy Mansion?
Life’s Crazy™