You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.
The bible.
It’s too long.
Old Testament. New Testament.
10 commandments all that start with THOU SHALL NOT…
Maybe that’s the problem with the good book.
The Ultimate Guide for Good is long-winded, hard to read, even complicated.
The Bible is written with a sentence structure that is harder to read than a Hunter S Thompson Essay on acid.
It’s long like a Quentin Tarantino monologue.
It’s complicated and open to interpretation like Jessica Simpson’s perfume line.
And those commandments?
Thou shall not.
It’s so negative. Such a Debbie Downer!
The Bible is certainly valuable and well-intentioned, and it’s a good read for some.
But for others?
Its a dinner party where the host wants to discuss German Neo-Expressionism.
I’ll take the Cliff notes version, please.
Remember back in High School. Time was a premium.
You didn’t have time to read A Catcher in the Rye, flirt with Mary Jane, and smoke in the bathroom with your friends.
What did you do?
Cliff Notes!
A truncated synopsis of the key points of the story.
I think the bible needs this kind of new millennium makeover.
I’d call it the Truncated Bible.
I could print my Truncated Bible on a Kleenex, or an index card.
You could put my Bible in your wallet, or even blow your nose with the good book.
However you get the message, the message is what counts.
To be transparent. I have never read the bible, cover to cover.
Strike me down where I sit, but I have barely ever picked up a bible.
To some of you, writing a Bible, having never read the Bible is BLASPHEMOUS!
This is the equivalent of teaching quantum physics without studying the writings of Albert Einstein.
It’s like talking about the greatest hamburger ever made and never experienced a Tommy Burger Double Chili Cheese!
As Bob Dylan once said, you don’t have to be a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
I was thinking about our world and what makes it tick.
Hate and War and Evil.
Love and selflessness and good deeds.
The problem is, if it bleeds it leads, meaning bad news gets all the attention.
Bad is the color of red.
Good is the color of white.
When you put red on top of white, it’s still there, just not as noticeable.
That’s the power of Red.
And that’s the way of the world.
The bad seems to get the headlines while the good quietly exists on page 2.
I was thinking about a way to lay the white over the red and make the red less noticeable, essentially put the good news in the headline.
And that’s when I came up with the idea for the Truncated Bible.
According to some website on the world wide web; the Bible is about 800,000 words long and the average person reads 250-300 words per minute, so it would take about 3,200 minutes – or 54 hours.
In today’s world, nobody has 54 hours to devote to anything. I can barely concentrate long enough for my autonomous nervous system to keep pumping blood and reminding me to inhale every few seconds.
54 hours?
That’s 2 days.
God created The oceans and Philly Cheese steak in 54 hours.
So here’s my idea.
The Truncated Bible is short and sweet and to the point.
It’s one sentence. It’s one piece of paper that can be printed on a Bazooka Gum Wrapper.
The message: BE A GOOD CITIZEN OF EARTH!
That’s it. Be a Good Citizen of Earth.
No more THOU SHALL NOT kill, or covet or steal or commit adultery.
No more God casting people out of heaven.
No more Cain murdering Abel stories.
The Life’s Crazy TRUNCATED BIBLE: BE A GOOD CITIZEN OF EARTH.
That means what it means.
Do the right thing. Live a good life. Don’t throw your cigarette butt out the window.
Be kind to others. Treat people with respect. Don’t drown your neighbor’s cat.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It’s old school, but it’s the golden rule.
It means treat people with respect and dignity and kindness.
Pretend every person you meet is your mother. Who doesn’t love their mother, the giver of life.
If you treated everyone like they were your mother, with love and respect, then you wouldn’t have time to start a war or rob a bank.
You wouldn’t cheat on your mother, would you?
If every person on Earth just acted like a good citizen, there would be a lot less red and a lot more white.
Put down the King James Bible.
Pick up the Life’s Crazy Truncated Bible. It’s inspiring message is powerful and small enough to fit inside a fortune cookie.
BE A GOOD CITIZEN OF EARTH.
Think about it.
Life’s Crazy™