you know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
A Laundry detergent so criminally desirable, so diabolically cleansing, it must be locked down like a Middle Eastern virgin.
I’m not even sure what that means but…
This next story is from the “I can’t believe it’s not butter” file.
Major supermarket chains are locking down large cartons of Tide.
That’s right, Tide, the laundry detergent in the bright orange box.
When I say locking down, I mean running a cable through the handles and securing the boxes to the shelf.
You want to wash your clothes, you need to ask Johnny manager to call someone to bring a key so your undies can be sparkly white and your colors clean and bold.
WTF is this world coming to when Tide at Sam’s Club is more secure than a diamond ring at Zales?
Police all over the country are reporting a national Tidal wave of Tide thefts.
We’ve all heard of security devices on clothing at the Gap, but at Safe Way?
What’s next? Chicklets gum behind the manager’s counter with the cigarettes and condoms.
In Minnesota the news showed store surveillance of a dude who reportedly shoplifted $25,000 worth of Tide over several months. $25,000 dollars! Think about that. That’s a small car worth of laundry detergent. It is like liquid gold. How do you even do that? Where do you fence Tide?
Do you meet someone in a back alley, look around suspiciously, open your trunk and exchange the big orange box for a brick of cocaine?
It’s so ludicrous it is crazy.
Police say brazen and exceedingly clean thieves are stealing detergent and exchanging it for crack or pot or guns.
Man have times have changed. Remember when thieves went into stores to steal cash. Now they steal huge boxes of Tide. Seems like a hard item to hide under your shirt.
Man, I long for the days when crime made sense and laundry detergent was for cleaning.
And that is crazy.™