You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
The NFL
It’s Back!
Watch out all other sports.
You are about to be rendered inert, as noticeable as Carbon dioxide in a wind tunnel.
THE N.F.L. IS BACK.
It’s the unadulterated king of American sports. It’s Elvis has entered the building. It’s Cinderella wearing 2 glass slippers and telling the stupid step sisters to kick your ass.
THE N.F.L. IS BACK.
No other sport is even close.
The National Football League begins this week.
The NFL versus other sports is like the U.S. Navy vs. the Guatemala Yacht Club.
ESPN is a non stop mega-phone screaming good morning football fans.
Are you ready for some football?
Football is BACK!
It’s a spectacle of meaningless importance.
Huh?
It’s Ed Wherter from Cowboy Stadium! Boomer booms.
It’s some new hot blonde sideline reporter chirping a prediction from Miami.
It’s Adam Schecter telling me how injured Cam Newton really is.
How big is the NFL?
It’s Jonah reeling in Moby Dick. It’s Dracula dirty dancing in the mirror. It’s the splash of fire as a Saturn V rocket blasts off.
How big is the NFL? There’s a countdown clock in the top corner of the screen on ESPN alerting me how long I have to wait till the new Sunday Football Countdown set is revealed.
A new television set? Really? Yes! Really. I wait. I have to go to the bathroom. I wait. I want to see it.
Sad?
Nope.
It’s the NFL.
How big is the N.F.L. compared to everything else?
It’s the difference between sending email with an iphone versus a rock.
The NFL means house hold names will begin playing football and airing commercials.
Peyton Manning will sell me everything from Gatorade to Directv.
Tom Brady will flaunt his good looks and the fact he presumably sleeps with a supermodel.
Robert Griffin III will make me salivate for Subway sandwiches and dreadlocks.
NFL football is a Billion dollar broadcasting juggernaut.
It owns its own network.
That would be like Ford Motor Co. owning its own TV network.
Can you imagine? Ford Taurus Tv?
OMG?
There are so many analysts breaking down NFL issues you’d think it was a peace proposal in the Middle East.
Nope just the NFL.
Top pre-game Issues: How will Rob Gronkowski’s broken knee hold up?
Was Wes Welker snorting amphetamines?
Will Johnny Football see the field?
I’d rather watch an NFL injury report than one inning of regular season baseball.
I feel bad for the other sports. There’s a ticker below the screen. It’s about one inch tall and other sports glide by on life support.
NASCAR, you are all ready the ugly step child of sports, wedged between Golf and Professional Billiards.
Starting today, you might as well use your time to sell CUTCO knives and faux jewelry.
The Chase?
That’s what TV sales people will have to do to find advertising interest.
NASCAR can’t even compete against College Football. It aired Saturday Night. I reacted with a yawn, like it was the home shopping network.
GOLF. I couldn’t tell you. Unless someone starts beating someone with a four iron, I don’t care.
SOCCER: International Friendly. Chile VS Mexico. Are you kidding me?
WEEK 1 NFL! SUNDAY IS UPON US!!!
If the NFL has a national anthem; it’s the hoarse – raspy – bad song pun filled – voice of Chris Berman.
It’s 90 minutes before kick off.
“There’s an electricity in the air,” he hollers.
“In Cleveland it’s Brian Hoyer. It’s Brian Football,” the throaty broadcaster screams.
ESPN cuts to a stadium dungeon somewhere and we see players walking in wearing all manner of clothing that is fodder for commentary.
“He looks like he got dressed in the dark. Tuck in that shirt Big Ben,”
Suddenly Adam Schefter is pulling open the studio doors to ESPN’s new set.
Wow. It is gigantic. It’s bigger than the international space station.It’s a glass cathedral. Instead of a shrine to Jesus, the alter is that of the NFL logo.
The only thing missing is a Unicorn Head!
Give it time. It’s early. I fully expect to see mythological headwear brought to you with NFL logos.
The Brooklyn Zeus’ VS the Los Angeles Hercules.
The NFL is back.
Life’s Crazy™