You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!™
Jesus Christ swearing like a sailor in downtown Bethlehem.
Just writing it makes me a little uncomfortable. Am I going to be struck down by a lightning bolt? Probably.
That’s Crazy!
DATELINE: ENGLAND
According to the Daily Telegraph; a Church of England vicar told his flock to get more “streetwise” and swear more.
“Yo Jesus be rocking the house fool.”
What?
You heard right. Reverend Michael Land told his congregation at the St Mary the Virgin church in the village of Burghill, they should adopt bad language because it is how Jesus would have spoken.
“Yo boo. Jesus is kickin all them homeys to the curb, dog.”
Land told his shocked flock that the Church might become out of touch with ordinary people if its clergy did not become “streetwise”. Part of being streetwise, according to Lamb is to use what he calls Earthly language.
According to the pastor, Jesus was poor and and not educated.
“People would be quite shocked that he (Jesus) would have used bad language all the time,” Land told the Telegraph.
It’s an interesting point of view, certainly an aggressive stand to communicate publicly.
When I think of Jesus, this is the Jesus I envision. Traditional, peaceful. A soft face surrounded by a golden Aura. I see lambs and patience and stained glass. I think of sharing and caring and words of wisdom.
What I don’t picture is Jesus standing in the market place, grabbing himself like Michael Jackson, hollering out; “Hey Mother F***** who doesn’t think I can turn water into wine?” I just can’t imagine Jesus clutching a MAC 10 ready to waste those who don’t buy his new age walking on water philosophies.
It just seems sacrilegious to preach and teach that Jesus was uneducated and a potentially vulgar street person who used blue language that was less than holy.
It’s like a Peanuts Comic book where Charlie Brown is a sex offender. It’s like the Dali Lama fighting in a MMA tournament.
It’s like Moses coming down from the mountain and charging you to read the ten commandments. It’s like Buddha running a brothel in the red light district.
It’s just crazy talk.
What’s Rev. Land’s next sermon:
Jesus: aluminum can recycling, the way to salvation.
Jesus: a street gambler’s guide to craps
Jesus: What Would I Do, the R – Rated wrist band
Jesus: How to spot the Judas in your posse.
Rev. Land, who moved to the area two years ago, spent 28 years trying to help drug addicts and gang members in deprived areas of London. Perhaps he is on drugs when he preaches his lessons. Perhaps he is hip to a novel concept that tries to bring more people to the teachings of Christ by showing Jesus to be more like us.
THEN AGAIN, MAYBE NOT.
Members of his congregation expressed shock at his comments.
One woman in her 80s, who did not want to be named, said, “I must say I am more than a little surprised. Rev. Land takes the occasional service and I have never heard him swear in any of them but perhaps I will have to listen more carefully next time.”
Maybe Jesus did swear in the market place: “Yo Judas, my homey, tell the apostles we’re chillin at my crib for this last supper.”
Maybe Jesus had street cred and women thought he was all that and a bag of chips.
Maybe this. Maybe that. I’ll take my Jesus the old fashioned way.
A soft face, a heavenly glow, forgiving eyes, a warming aura.
In my vision, Jesus will talk softly and his words will be few, but chosen perfectly to convey his thoughts.
In my world Jesus will never be a cast member of the JERSEY SHORE.
Can you imagine a street smart Jesus in the hot tub with Snooky?
JESUS: “Yo I’m Jesus.”
SNOOKY: Yo yo Jesus. I’m Snooky.
JESUS: I know who you are, that’s why I’m Jesus. I know all.
SNOOKY: I know I like your six pack Jesus.
JESUS: you should see my halo.
SNOOKY: Oh Jesus, you’re crazy.
JESUS :Yeah I know baby. Now go get me a brewski.”
A street-wise Jesus?
Naaaaaah. It’s just too crazy!