You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Super Bowl Commercials, unveiled before the Superbowl.
It’s like eating the cake before the dinner. It’s like smoking a cigarette before the sex. It’s like exhaling and then diving into the deep end.
The game between the Giants and the Patriots is the featured attraction. But for millions of other casual fans, the reason to watch is the commercials.
It’s about dogs and laughter and hot Victoria Secrets models.
My favorite commercial of all time is the 1984 Macintosh commercial directed by Ridley Scott. It was an awesome cinematic moment that made you watch, it made you think. You stood there for a minute, your bladder overflowing, a chip dangling from your lips and you thought “is this really a commercial?”
Where is George Orwell when you need him?
Since that seminal advertising moment, the commercials have become as big a deal as the game. Which commercial work. Which commercial don’t. Which commercial made you laugh.
Before the internet, the only way to see the commercial was to watch the game and then wait for the commercials. It was like Christmas, between time outs.
The only way to see what Santa brought you was to wake up, run down the stairs and open the box.
Back in the day, when most superbowls sucked, and were over by half time, the commercials kept you watching. They were extemporaneous. They were raw and big budget. Like Christmas morning, super bowl commercials were a surprise.
Now it’s sad. With all the technology and interconnectivity of the world, most of the commercials are all ready out on the web. It’s like seeing your mom wrap your Christmas presents before you get to open them. It kind of sucks.
For me, in 2012, The buzz is over. It’s like eating a cold sloppy Joe. It just doesn’t taste good and it won’t slide down your gullet easily.
The reason to watch a super bowl commercial is to get that special tingle, that lasting memory.
But the high stakes ride that is Superbowl advertising has made that almost impossible.
Now when Ed Hochuli signals time out, I’m getting up and taking a piss.
1984 is no more.
This year, when the game goes to commercial break, I’m going to grab another chip and dip platter and a cold one.
I don’t care what star war theme the VW dogs are barking. I don’t give a damn about Danika Patrick and her Go Daddy Dot Com stupidity. I’ve all ready seen it.
BORING.
The problem is the commercials are so expensive, 3 million for 30 seconds, that advertisers have to get bang for their buck when and where they can. They can’t gamble that one spot at a million dollars every 10 seconds is going to be worth their time and expense.
To maximize their potential, they push the commercials into the universe hoping to saturate eye balls. The commercial spots are posted to you tube and facebook and twitter and to the major networks so they can dangle them before us like a desert cart full of cheese cake that we cannot possibly eat.
I’ve been trying to ignore all the pre-superbowl-commerical buzz so that on Sunday the spots will be fresh and new.
I want to laugh when the Doritos dog does whatever.
I want to feel pride when the Budweiser Clydesdales march through an American wheat field to a Toby Keith song.
I want to experience it for the first time.
I want 1984.
Sadly it’s 2012.
I have all ready seen the Ferris Buehler ad with Matthew Broderick 10 times.
BRODERICK. BRODERICK. BRODERICK.
I’m yawing.
save your 3 million. I don’t even know what you are selling.
So when I see Matthew Broderick, it’s time to get a finger sandwich.
Happy super bowl everyone.
My advice, if your bladder is full empty it.
If you need a plate of Lays chips, go get it.
Don’t worry about missing the commercials this year.
You can watch them at 4am in Singapore on You Tube.
And that is crazy.