You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
A police car with a sun roof.
It just seems wrong.
Like a tank with a seat warmer or a Potato wearing a hat.
It’s anomalous.
A police car with a sun roof is as common place as a shark that flosses after eating a surfer.
I rode in a Volkswagen Passat squad car today. Not a Dodge! Not a Chevy! Not even a Yugo! A VW!
It had a sun roof. I looked up and saw the sun and trees and bright blue sky. Right where the light bar should have been, there was an opening to the sky.
Weird.
It was a stylish ride, even with the scanners, and police radio, and dash cam monitor in the sun visor.
The car is one of 3 in the Belle Meade Police department’s trial program.
Officials tell me that Belle Meade is the first department in the nation to go to the German automobile as a day in day out police cruiser.
Why the weinerschnitzel on wheels instead of the all american muscle?
Because the VW gets 52 miles per gallon highway and close to 40 miles in the city.
You can’t get that kind of mileage out of an ex wife chasing an alimony check.
The Department made the move because it was only getting 14 mpg in its Dodge Chargers with the Hemi V8’s.
It’s all about the Benjamins and the department believes that good gas mileage will pay off in the long run.
What about buying American you say? You can’t fight crime in a German automobile, right?
That’s like going to a sushi restaurant and ordering a side of onion rings.
A German made police car in the heart of red state Tennessee? It’s blasphemous, right?
Well the good news; the cars are produced in Chattanooga so essentially Americans are making the cars the cops are driving, which means the purchases will help Tennesseans pay their mortgages and put food on their tables.
And there’s good news for perps too. The car has even a bigger, more spacious back seat for felons to relax, stretch their legs, even vomit more comfortably. You won’t see that in the brochure.
But what I really thought was cool was the sun roof.
How dare johnny law spend the extra money on a sun roof you are thinking right?
Well the Sgt says it comes standard, and it would actually cost close to $1,500 to remove them. Pay extra to remove them? That’s like paying money to have someone take my chocolate cake away.
I ask the vet how many police cars he’s ever been in with a sun roof?
“None,” he says with a slow drawl.
We both laugh.
It’s a gorgeous day and I’m in a police car getting a tan.
Tonight there could be a house burglar or a hatchet murderer in this fine piece of German engineering, but right now, I feel like throwing in a U2 CD and go cruising for chicks.
Wouldn’t that be a pisser.
Me and the Sgt. cruising Vanderbilt Campus in a hot rod Passat all decked out with sirens, lights and handcuffs.
A police car with a sun roof?
Who’d have thunk it?
It’s inappropriate like ham at at Sader.
And that’s crazy.™