Life’s Crazy Weekend Edition:
You know what’s Crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!™SKY MALL MAGAZINE, now that’s crazy.In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, Sky Mall is the free magazine they give away on Southwest Airlines. It is usually found in the seat back pocket in front of you.The magazine is filled with all kinds of items that you have to have and can’t believe people would buy.
The cover of the Summer 2009 magazine caught my attention.
I mean she is hot as hell and she is having a good time in the photo. I can’t see anyone’s lower body, so who is to say why everyone is smiling, but I don’t think this is a sexual device since it’s stuck to his skull.
I scour the page and see a weak headline that says: LOOKING GOOD. Get guaranteed results for thinning hair with the X5 Hair Laser!
Oh, so this is the X5 hair laser. It says go to page 9.
Well I’m tingling with anticipation, so I risk the paper cut and thumb forward.
Page 9 is serious business. The handsome couple having folicle sex are no longer pictured. They are replaced with a very large full page shot of the X5 hair laser.
The copy says “low level laser ligh is the most exciting new treatment available for thining hair. Once only available in expensive hair clinics you can now get the same great results at home at a fracition of the price.”
Sounds good so far, but then I see the sticker shocking price of $299!
Yikes!
The man on page 9 is applying the X5 to his scraggy thinning hair. that’s the before photo. Then the after photo is displayed. The man looks like he shaved a wooly mammoth and glued it to his head.
Risk Free it says. 6 months or return for a full refund.
I mean why not? The copy says the X5 generates 15 distinct points of coherent laser light directly to your scalp at the optimum power and wavelength.
I start thumbing through the sky mall and I begin to laugh out loud. Who the hell buys this stuff? Then I look around the plane and my answer is right in front of me.
This patented Italian design incorporates Japanese engineering and utilizes acupressure to relax as it soothes your problems away. It’s like thousands of tiny fingers simultaneiously massaging your scalp. Well that says it all; how can you go wrong when you combine Japanese engineering with Italian Design. It’s like building a sports car that drives on sushi. You can’t put a price tag on good ideas like this, but in this case, if you want real tension relief, you’ll need to pony up $49.95. Just don’t wear it in a lightning storm?
Finally, we go to page 87 and offer up the Pet Door Bell. The dog is at the front door and its paw is on the little door bell shaped touch pad that is shaped like a paw. For $70 you can teach your dog not to scratch at the front door when the dog wants to go outside. The copy says simply push the pet paw. I can’t teach my animals not to scratch sofas or throw up on the floor. I’m sure teaching them to push a doggie door bell is a piece of cake.