You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Killing the American dream.
And what is more dreamy and more American than engaging an adult film star?
It’s Apple pie meets American Pie.
It’s the day dream of half the humans reading this story right now.
You know who you are.
Dateline: Cold Ass Minnesota
It’s here that a Minnesota kid with juevos the size of coconuts asked adult film stars to his prom.
And they say our kids can’t compete with the Chinese. I offer up this story for your conisderation.
As the story goes; this young man has no prom date. The local girls said “hey loser talk to the hand.”
He could have curled up into a ball and cried. He could have joined a commune and smoked bath salts.
OR he could make a life changing move, go all in.
someone pass me a kleenex, i think i’m going to cry at what comes next.
This kid pushed his chips into the middle of the proverbial table, put his swollen, ignorant ass, don’t know no better juevos up on the felt and went all in! Home boy reportedly tweets every adult film actress from Singapore to Holland. He got out the porn yellow pages and let his fingers do the walking.
He texted and tweeted and communicated with every adult actress he might consider having relations with, which my guess is every single one of them.
He texted and tweeted and communicated with every adult actress he might consider having relations with, which my guess is every single one of them.
And guess what?
2 of the girls actually responded.
They say life is a numbers game people and this just proves it.
Poetic Justice tastes like sweet nectar doesn’t it?
So this is a great coming of age story right? Risky Business meets the Breakfast Club, right?
18 year old Mike Stone, who has a monster set of Mike Stones, said he tweeted porn stars asking if they’d go to his senior prom at Tartan High.
Emy Reyes said “I would love too”
Megan Piper said ok if the kid covered her flight from L.A.
wow. 2 porn stars. one prom. Nice.
Most 18 year olds can’t do long division.
Hold the presses!
The school system gets wind of his thigh high skirt wearing date-a-thon and puts the kibosh on any X rated bump and grind that might take place in the school gym.
The human monkey wrench in this wet dream is Patty Phillips, superintendent of the north St. who gives a rats ass school district.
Wet dream patty pulls out the old rule book and with the santimonious tongue lashing of an angry Catholic School nun, she says “porn stars are contrary to the visitor policy for most school buildings.”
“buns up and dealing” I bet they are.
I’d like to see that school manual. What else does it say? No dropping acid at the water cooler? No craps games between classes? No using the commode for wine fermentation?
What the hell.
does big Stones Stone get all boo hoo on us? No siree buddy.
The kid says suck this high school losers.
And home boy tweets like a house o fire and gets him a couple of deep throating hotties.
Talk about your social network.
Film star Piper said (insert squeaky stupid voice here) “she couldn’t go to her own prom and she was excited about making Stone’s night.”
“I thought it was really cute and I thought it would make his nigh by saying yes, she told the Huffington Post.
I’m pretty sure YES in any capacity to any question would pretty much make his night Ms Piper.
No word on what’s next for young Mr. Stone. Word has it he may just have a private party.
It got Tom Cruise into State College right?
And if that doesn’t work, Mr. Big Stones Stone, there is always the NFL Cheerleading squads you can tweet to.
and that is crazy.