You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
The Penguin Hangover.
This story is way out from Down Under.
This farce takes place not in the land of Lost Wages. There is no Mike Tyson cameo. There are no hookers or transvestite mafia hit men.
This sad tale comes to us from the Island nation of Koalas and Vegemite. It’s here that a trio of drunken idiots breaks into Sea World after hours.
The dopes could have gone to a gentlemens club, but instead they chose a cold pool with warm blooded fish.
Cell phone footage they took of themselves shows them swimming with dolphins. They are doing cannon balls and screaming at the top of their lungs. It’s the dark of night, and the scene is surreal.
The dolphin are cautiously swimming onthe periphery, perhaps wary of the drunken scurvy among them, most likely urinating in the dolphin’s aquatic living room.
The whole debacle doesn’t say much for the Sea World security does it?
The trio of drunks can’t just leave with their memories, they leave with a souvenir, a real penguin named Dirk.
Dirk is a 7 year old penguin who has never been outside the park. He has a penguin partner and he likes his little penguin routine.
The trio hustled the little guy out of the park, taking him back to their hotel room.
If this was Mexico, the FBI would be involved and would ask for proof of life.
The men are not smart enough to ask for rasome for little Dirk. They were simply drunk and when they sobered up, reality sunk in.
“Oh crap. We kidnapped a penguin?”
At what point do you look in the mirror, see a penguin, and realize “damn I think I need a 12 step program.”
I think when you are sleeping with a wild animal, it’s time to make that call.
The idiots are ultimately charged by Australian authorities for stealing the little tuxedo clad penguin.
“We are sorry,” Rhys Jones said to the news after his arrest.
Yeah he’s sorry, sorry he got caught.
The story is sadly reminiscent of Hollywood’s version of the Hangover where three lovable idiots are drugged and wake up in a Vegas hotel room with a tiger in the bathroom and a monkey on the couch.
Remember that story? The three best friends anyone could ever have! They get hammered and spend most of the film trying to piece together a night more questionable than a petri dish at a female biker bar.
The first film took place in sin city. That was neon colored fantasy.
Hangover II is filmed in Bangkok which looks like the birth place of venereal disease.
This story is in prim and proper Australia. It’s Sea World! And Dirk the penguin is real.
According to published reports, after the evening’s debauchery, the men let Dirk loose.
The problem is, he was nowhere near Sea World.
The penguin was found in a nearby water way where the frightened bird was chased by a dog and possibly other ravenous creatures that like tender penguin meat.
Luckily, Dirk was rescued and taken home, nervous, but otherwise ok.
His handlers say he was stressed, having never spent a night outside of Sea World.
Now he’s back with his furry mates, waiting his turn to dive into the pool and chug a lug a fish shake.
As for the trio of Hangover idiots, they now face the Australian courts.
Remember what happens down under, doesn’t always stay down under.
And that is crazy.™