You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Lab Lake Police.
The lake is a shimmering gem in the middle of the city. It is a small body of placid water, nestled on a 200 acre horse farm that was donated to residents.
It’s rare that private property is donated to the public for the betterment of society. But that is what happened here. The city by and large has managed the property well, providing unfettered access to a recreational piece of splendor that had been gated for so many generations.
I’ve often stood on the shore of Lab Lake and marveled at the wonderment. Sometimes the sky is so blue and the clouds so white, you feel like you are on a movie set of the Sound of Music.
On a still day, when the wind is sleeping and the air is warm, the puffy clouds floating by reflect in the still waters. It’s a post card of tranquility that makes you appreciate the moment, make you inhale life.
From the shore of Lab Lake, there are pristine silos that speak to another time. There is an old barn with a patina from the civil war. When the wind blows, loose pieces of tin bang rhythmically harping back to a time long ago.
When I stand beside the lake, I can see green fields and blue sky and horse sheds on the perimeter. There are hiking trails that disappear into high grass, and canoe launches by the Harpeth River.
Near the lake is a dog park, as big as a football field. It is well maintained and fenced.
Dogs roam freely inside the pen, sniffing each other’s butts and chasing balls and even jumping on the wrong owner occasionally.
A puppy was killed there a few weeks ago. Just nature being nature when a big dog snapped at a little dog breaking the puppy’s neck. It was sad and unusual. This is the exception, not the norm. Usually, the dogs are free and fanciful and running with smiles on their dog faces.
But there’s a negative vibe here as well.There are signs everywhere in this spacious wonderland of natural beauty that say DOGS MUST BE ON LEASHES.
DOGS MUST BE ON LEASHES. VIOLATORS WILL BE PUNISHED TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF THE LAW.
OK, I’m not sure it says that, but the city takes their leash law violations seriously.
A dog off a leash? $126.00 for the first violation.
A dog off a leash? $5,000 for the 2nd violation.
A dog off a leash? Give me your ovaries you non compliant bitch!
OK, I may be exaggerating here, but “you better watch your ovaries lady. That goes for some of you fellas too!”
How serious is the city about keeping the peace at the donated land it received around the pristine wondrous lake they inherited for free?
The city is ovary snatching serious, that’s how serious.
I’m talking Gestapo, obsessed serious.
I’m talking hands up don’t shoot serious.
The park is patrolled by police, but I think they mostly drive here to hide from their shift sergeants and fill out reports.
The real power in the park is the animal control unit. These Jack Boot wearing thugs take no prisoners and even less crap.
They drive big menacing trucks, that may or not have gun turrets like armored Humvees in Iraq.
They wear mirrored sunglasses and beige SWAT uniforms. The trucks are routinely driven by big women who double as men, who look like men who might be women. They wear big t shirts that cover big bones and saggy boobs and big beer guts that could double for kangaroo pouches and mammary glands and pregnancy pooches.
The men posing as women, driving as women looking like men, slow to a crawl when they see a dog that might be walking without a leash.
This is a serious infraction. This is the dog park equivalent of an Orwellian totalitarian state.
If this was Star Trek, these Borg like heathens would jump out of their trucks screaming, “Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Now step away from your pooches.”
I’ve had several run ins with these jack booted thugs. They are ominous and power hungry and quick to levy citations.
We are not fans of the leash law. Our dogs are even less excited by it.
But the labs are addicted to the lake. They love the park. Mention the words “You wanna go swimming and they begin to salivate as if they are bathing in a milk bone shower.”
So for now, we will continue to break the law in this totalitarian regime while throwing tennis balls, our heads on a swivel.
Life’s Crazy™