You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.
Iowa Caucuses.
It was theater of the absurd.
It was pork chops on a stick.
It was cows mooing in the background.
It was political savagery in a downtown diner.
Monday night, the Iowa caucuses reminded us what this nation is all about.
Monday night, Iowans opened the flood gates on a political process unlike any in the history of the world.
November’s presidential elections are now 10 months away, and Monday night, the curtain went up on the real show.
Before Iowans took the polling places, and set the records straight, we relied on exit polls and conjecture.
A coven of witches burning at the stake predicts Trump will win.
A Thanksgiving turkey pardoned by the president says Dr. Carson will finish strong.
If there is a full moon and 200,000 voters show up at the polls, Rubio will fair well, so predicts werewolves from London.
And so it goes.
Spin the candidate wheel of fortune, where it stops nobody knows.
That is until Monday night.
Monday night, it all became very clear.
Trump was supposed to win according to Trump and the pundits.
Ted Cruz was supposed to come in second according to Trump and the pundits.
Everyone else had as much chance as the valets parking the cattle trucks.
But when the ballots were counted and the bathtub drain was pulled; all that was left around the voting booth was a dirty ring of reality.
The truth was in the hands of the American voter and the voters in Iowa spoke.
Cruz beat Trump who barely beat Rubio.
For Cruz it was a major win. For Rubio it was also a solid endorsement of his potential.
And then there was the realization for the reality TV star that this was unscripted reality.
Maybe those at the Trump rallies really were there, as many stated, to take in the spectacle.
YOU’RE FIRED! they hoped to hear.
Perhaps Iowans didn’t like Trump’s message that they were stupid, or he could shoot someone and win, or that he could skip a debate because he didn’t like a commentator.
Trump lost by a few thousand votes.
It was a wake up call where an alarm clock the size of a Buick crashes into your bed.
RRRIIINNNGGG.
And then there was the Hillary versus Bernie race.
It was too close to call for 24 hours.
Both sides claimed victory.
In the end, Clinton won by the miniscule width of 22 classified emails piled high.
The Democratic contest was so absurd, it was learned that Clinton won by a coin toss, literally.
At the end of the night, Caucuses couldn’t decide between the two, so they flipped a coin.
Heads it’s Bernie. Tails it’s Hillary.
God have mercy on our soul.
That’s a frightening scenario.
It’s insane to think that something so important as who might be the next president of the USA is decided by a random flip of fate.
If that was the case, wouldn’t we use a coin to decide other important questions?
Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?
“Well, let’s flip a coin to see. Heads I get hitched. Tails, I’m going to make love to the gardener.”
A coin flip?
Is that the best that Iowa Caucuses can come up with in cases of close races?
Why not rock paper scissors to decide the winner?
How about Rover Red Rover let Bernie cross over?
How about an arm wrestling match?
Anyone for shots of Fireball?
1st one to vomit in their own mouth loses.
I am a fan of the democratic process.
Iowa is just one stop on a 50 state tour unlike no other.
It seems lengthy and laborious, but it is what separates us from the rest of the planet.
We literally are a nation by the people for the people.
Even though it doesn’t always seem like it works, it does, especially when you compare our system to the rest of the planet.
We are a political nation with an opposable thumb and the reason to determine our own democratic destiny.
You may not like the candidates or the process, but it is a process that is steeped in history and tradition.
We are a country that put our hands on the shiny black monolith and we evolved.
We don’t dump our own fecal matter in the same river we wash our clothes.
We don’t shoot AK 47’s into the air to celebrate a successful prostate exam.
We don’t slit the throat of the town mayor because he has more goats than we do.
We are the Freaking UNITED STATES of AMERICA.
We are democratically charged and politically unique in this warbling blue spheroid of disrespect and unfairness.
So next on the horizon?
The New Hampshire primaries.
Trump reportedly has a 30 to 12 percent lead over Cruz.
Trump supposedly had a safe lead over Cruz in Iowa.
You see how that all worked out.
So welcome to the week that is.
Trump and Rubio and Cruz will go head to head to head.
Others like Christie and Rand Paul will probably dissolve like alka seltzer in a glass of turpentine.
Meanwhile, Hillary and Bernie will coin flip their way across the nation.
Despite who you like, it’s a glorious spectacle for democracy.
Enjoy the ride. Vote your vote. Flip your coin.
God Bless America.
Life’s Crazy™