You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
The drunk driver with no brakes.
He had good intentions. He was going to fix the brakes. The tone of his voice was full of promise.
But then he missed the traffic circle at a high rate of speed and he proceeded to crash through the memorial in the center of the downtown.
I am watching police dash cam of the man.
He is 6 feet tall, about 220 pounds.
He is standing in front of the police car facing the camera, blue lights filling his eyes.
He says he is drunk, but he is doing remarkably well under the circumstances.
It’s 3 am on a Sunday morning and the driver is in big trouble.
The 32 year old is heard telling the officer he was out drinking with a buddy at a local bar.
He admits to popping a percocet and smoking a little weed.
Gotta love that honesty, right?
The cop has just searched the man and pulled a pair of brass knuckles out of his pocket and placed them on the hood of the police car.
“what happened?” the cop asks.
The man seems perplexed.
What do you say?
“Can I smoke a cigarette?” he asks.
The cop surprisingly says ok.
It’s a very casual moment.
The man reaches into his cigarette box and pulls out a smoke. He lights up and stands there bathed in blue lights and trouble.
I look at the photographs on the investigators desk.
They show thousands of dollars in damage to the town square.
I am looking at a broken fence, two smashed city light poles, and lots of damage to the grass and shrubs.
There is even an oil smudge in the dirt where there use to be flowers.
“So this guy just missed the turn and drove into the town square statue?” I ask the investigator showing me the dash cam.
He smiles. “Yep.”
In the center of town there is a monument erected by the Sons of Confederate Veterans. The statue is a tribute to confederate war General Robert Hatton. The grass was neatly manicured and the fence brand new.
Now it is all in a pile, torn up, bent.
Thankfully for historians, the statue was not affected.
I listen to the man tell the officer between drags on his cigarette how he was driving too fast and he had just purchased his mother’s car.
“I was going too fast. I got the brakes bought, I just haven’t put them on yet. It’s my mom’s car and i’m trying to fix it up.”
I can’t help but laugh as I listen to this.
The man admits to driving too fast, drinking too much, smoking dope and popping pills. Then he says he had brakes that work, he just hadn’t had a chance to install them on a car with no brakes.
Talk about the village idiot.
Thank God nobody was hurt.
The man proceeds to fail a field sobriety test and then gets put in the back of the police car.
I’ve talked to the city and the damage is estimated at between 6 and 8 thousand dollars.
“We plan to ask for him to make restitution,” the city attorney tells me by email.
Perhaps he’ll have his brakes installed by then.
Life’s Crazy™