You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Hot Tub time Machine – the movie.
What a mess. It’s stupider than top soil.
Like a baby with 666 stamped on its ass, this film should have never been born. It quite possibly is the anti-Christ of celluloid.
So what is the plot? Plot might be too strong a word. Perhaps loose interpretation of story telling is a better way to summarize what I am watching here.
Hot Tub Time Machine: It appears to be the cinematic entrails of four friends traveling back in time to 1986. Their time portal? A hot tub of course.
Why am I watching this? That’s a personal question and I am unclear of what the answer is. Perhaps that’s how sad a life I have. Perhaps this movie is like a train wreck and I cannot look away.
There are some decent actors, John Cusak and Craig Robinson of the Office and Chevy Chase. I’m not sure that Dustin Hoffman and Laurence Olivia could salvage this thing.
Thank God it’s free on Comedy Central.
“How did the studio executive who green lighted this cinematic cow dung not get fired?”
The script is crazy bad. A naked Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp swinging free in every scene couldn’t rescue this story.
This movie is forgettably bad, attrociously forgettable, it’s badly attrocious.
If this movie was a vampire, it would have a wooden stake in its heart.
So we’ve all seen bad movies on free TV before, but here is what’s so damn crazy about this one.
The movie is R rated. Probably for language. Maybe for a random boob scene here or there.
The characters curse more than they breathe. They barely can say a sentence without blurting out the F word.
Oh that’s nice F-in talk.
Oh Yeah, well F you and your mother.
F my mother. F your mother.
And so it goes.
It’s a ping pong match of bad language and wasted screen time.
Normally bad movies have bad language. Here’s what makes this hot tub time travel thing the stupidest movie ever on regular television.
The Comedy Channel apparently doesn’t like the F bomb. But they choose to run a movie that has more F bombs than a Sesame Street episode in Frankfurt.
So every time a character says a curse word, which is every other sentence, editors simply omit the curse word audibly. You see the character’s lips say F you, but you don’t hear the character say F you. All you hear is silence where the F bomb would be.
This must have taken an editor a week to simply eliminate the cuss words. What a waste. There are starving kids in India, right.
If you have a TV network and you can’t show T & A or broadcast cuss words, why air Hot Tub Time Machine?
Characters are talking and they curse but it is muted dead air, but only for a word. If they use a lot of bad language, then it’s a lot of muting intermixed with a lot of dumb, but audible dialogue.
It’s unsettling to watch this. So many omitted words, it’s disorienting. I feel like I am having a seizure in a strobe factory. I see characters lips moving but the words they are saying are muted, missing, sanitized.
This movie should come with a warning like the ones that come with Japanese video games.
“WARNING. WATCHING HOT TUB TIME MACHINE MIGHT RENDER YOU STERILE OR STUPID OR BOTH”
In a related moment, a hottie takes her shirt off and the mosaic filter goes up across her chest.
Seriously. Seizures and mosaic boobies?
Comedy Central, you are some funny mother F******!
Out of 5 crazies, I give Hot Tub Time Machine half a F***ing star.
That’s for John Cusak and he basically sucks ass too.