You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Hording Toilet Paper.
As the pandemic became the new reality, and the stock market crashed and every thing with a pulse shut down, humans did what humans always do.
They got weird and greedy and scared.
Weird and Greedy and Scared is a really bad combination when people are losing jobs and trying not to inhale a strange new disease.
Instead of going to church and praying, these weird, greedy, scared humans drove to Costco.
Instead of staying home and remaining calm, these frenzied citizens on the verge of mental incapacity, formed lines at shopping centers like it was Black Friday.
When the World Health Organization called the Corona Virus a Global Pandemic, HUMANITY DID WHAT IT ALWAYS DOES.
IT FLOODED THE STREETS LIKE THE FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER HORDING TOILET PAPER.
Anyone with a single butt crack and a pulse invaded their local big box store and bought every roll of toilet paper they could carry.
Store shelves of Charmin disappeared so fast, you’d think the virus had caused a river of diarrhea.
Aerial shots of this atrocity aired live on CNN. The chopper circled the parking lot as scared ant people ran to their cars pushing shopping carts stacked with TP 6 feet high.
Greedy, scared and weird humans swarmed the frozen food aisles purchasing ice bricks of food you wouldn’t feed to rats.
These refugees of courtesy and rational thought bought every sanitary wipe, cleansing powder and liquefied soap product not nailed down.
The run on soap made me wonder if anyone was washing prior to the pandemic.
Were weird, greedy, scared humans wiping their urine stained fingers on their jeans? Were they washing at all? Was personal hygiene an optional box they had to check?
A pandemic changes everything.
Now all the world is a surgeon, cleansed hands outstretched, walking into an operating room.
I understand the run on soap and bacterial cleaners.
I can rationalize the purchase of food.
But Toilet Paper?
Greed. Weirdness. Fear.
Corona Virus is a respiratory contagion that makes you cough and gives you a fever.
I’ve not heard one expert say that unchecked and numerous bowel movements are a symptom.
Yet Toilet Paper is more scarce than a herd of unicorn.
I tried to order toilet paper on line. There’s a 6 week wait for Charmin.
I saw a mystery brand that offered single ply sheets. It said it was soft, but the picture reminded me of fragrant sandpaper.
Even this was sold out.
Weird, Greedy, Scared humans.
I am confident that the TP will soon return to the shelves.
For those of us not wanting to wipe with sandpaper, we’d better hope so.
weird, greedy, scared, humans.