You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.
Life is crazy. As I like to say, you need to kick it in the teeth. And now is the time of year when you really need to wind up and let loose.
The holidays are a time when life boils down to the basic elements.
Is there enough time? Is there enough money? Is there enough? What have I accomplished? Am I on the right path? Is this all there is? Could it get worse? Could it be better? Thank God for family. What the hell’s wrong with my family?
These basic internalizations are intensified this time of year. Like light passing through a magnifying glass, life’s intense and profound uncertainty can burst into flames.
The question is; will that flame warm you? Will that flame destroy you?
They say that suicides rise during the holidays. They say there are a lot more domestic calls to 911 during the holidays.
You know why? Because the holidays are a black hole so dense it collapses upon itself. The gravitational force of blinking Christmas lights and re-gifting and holiday expectations can grow so intense, it can cause your brain to dry up like a sponge in the microwave. The holidays are time when man and woman alike question their very existence. They ponder their specific purpose in God’s master plan. They stare at an endless horizon, so close they can almost touch it, but so far away, they can never reach it.
Life is like a crazy raft on an angry and unpredictable sea. If you let the raft float aimlessly with no purpose, the peregrine winds of life will push your tiny craft into the rocks where you will eventually sink into a tumultuous spiral of chaos.
A co-worker of mine recently took his own life. Details are not well known, but he purchased a handgun, waited to obtain the weapon, then shot himself. I don’t know why he did it. I’m not even sure I care why he did it anymore. Don’t get me wrong. I really liked this man. But why he did it doesn’t bring him back. The reality is he did it, and nobody can un-do what he did. Maybe we should have see the signs. Maybe we could have intervened and righted his ship. The rest is pure conjecture. Who knows what demons were nipping at his soul, pushing him into the rocks.
All I know is, another of life’s candle’s has been extinguished. And I’m not sure why.
I think the funk that comes with the holidays is palpable. It starts with another trip around the sun, where the air turns cold and the skies grey and expectations of something more begin to fester.
Perhaps Madison Avenue fuels this perpetuating pressure more than any other mechanism. The commercials on tv paint a rosy picture of fire places and warmth and egg nog. The air waves are filled with Hollywood fabrications of loving couples reaching into their pockets and pulling forth diamonds that say “I love You.”
The problem is, this is theatrical chicken soup. It’s not real.
What’s real is what you believe is real. So what’s real? It’s what you can touch and taste. It’s what you believe and what fires the furnace of your being.
For many of us, the enigmatic anguish of life starts every morning. It begins like a fire bell clanging in the darkness. It’s a noxious sound so despicable you want to rip your own ears off. That alarm forces you to pull off the warm blankets and throw your legs over the side of the bed. It forces you to trudge into the new day. The floor is cold and the air chilly. Your bones creek and each step is a wobbly attempt to move on.
It is at this moment that despair can begin wrapping its fingers around your throat. If you allow it to take control of you, to overwhelm you, Crazy Life will.
This is also the moment when Crazy life invites you to come along, to experience the wonderment that comes with each day. There is a bright light outside your window and you just need to stop and notice it. It’s a choice, and sometimes you need to remind yourself what path to walk.
Along the way to the light, there’s opportunity to give thanks. Thanks for the warm water washing over my body. Thanks for a car that starts on the first crank. Thanks for a commute to work free of major grid lock. Thanks for a magnetic-door-card that allows me into work. Thanks for a family that loves me. Thanks for a child’s smile and a laugh with a co-worker. Thanks for free coffee in the break room no matter how bad it tastes.
Nobody ever said life was easy. Sometimes you need to side step life’s pessimistic onslaught and just press forward. Like a passing gust of wind, just pull up your collar, lean forward and move ahead waiting for the warmth of the sun to once again shine upon you.
They say it is mind over matter. They say it’s faith. They say it’s about letting in the love.
They are right.
Holidays can be heaven. Holidays can be hell. They are the hydraulic press squeezing emotions both good and bad into a combustible gas.
Like confetti blowing in a tornado, the bits and pieces of life’s puzzle can swirl through a person’s mind like a New England White out. Which way do I go? How can I manage something that at time seems so unmanageable?
With another trip around the sun almost complete, and the days growing shorter, it is time to once again take stock. It is time to fight off the feelings of woe and replace them with optimistic thoughts of what can be.
When self doubt and anguish try and come down your chimney, close the flue and stoke the fire.
Call a loved one and just say “hey, I was thinking of you, how ya doing?”
I was friends with the man who committed suicide. I sat with him from time to time and we talked about sports cars and football games. Apparently I didn’t know the inner turmoil that danced below the surface of his equanimity.
Perhaps none of us really knows anyone that well. Look inside yourself this holiday season. Make sure you are OK, and on the right path. If you feel like you need someone to guide you, stop and reach for help. Someone is surely there to help you.
If you don’t’, that’s crazy.