highway hookers

You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy!™

Neon colored prostitutes on the side of the highway.

DATELINE: SPAIN

Move over construction workers because the hookers are coming.

That’s right, Spanish authorities are forcing ladies of the evening to don yellow fluorescent bibs or pay fines of 40 euros under traffic laws.

The women look ridiculous and I’m not sure that anyone feels safer.
Who thought up this plan? Wal Mart greeters? “Hi I’m Aqua Velva, Want a date?”

According to published reports: Police claim the sex workers on the road are not being specifically targeted because of what they do but because they pose a danger to drivers.

Danger? What could possibly go wrong? Is a John going to catch an STD in the Diamond Lane?

Probably, but Spanish law makers say they are more concerned with the obvious traffic violations, accidents and possible rubber neckers driving into utility poles.

Why are Spanish authorities even wasting time and tax payer money on this? Why not let the girls work they always worked?

Some argue, putting a neon vest on a working girl might create the opposite effect on the side of the road.

Who isn’t going to take their eyes off the highway ahead to sneak a peak? Men will look. You know they’re going to. Even if they are traveling with their wives, they are going to look. They may keep their head looking forward, but men can move one eye sideways like one of those prehistoric fish at the bottom of the ocean. They’ll catch a peak, no doubt. And women, women are going to look as well. They want to compare and contrast and wonder. A bright yellow vest is only going to promote gawking. Preachers will look and bus drivers will look. Fruit salesmen are going to look.

This is Spain right? The last thing you need is a bunch of matadores in golden tights letting go of the steering wheel, releasing their grip on 10 and 2 and sliding into the soft shoulder.

I’m just saying, this sounds like bad execution of a bad plan.

And it’s discriminatory. What about hookers still working in dark alleys? Do we give them glow sticks like elementary school kids trick or treating? What about hooking in hot weather? Does the state send out a hydration unit?

Poor hookers. Some getting better compensation packages than others.

Unionize hookers, that’s what I say. UNIONIZE. Pay dues. Picket in front of truck stops that don’t have clean restrooms.

Is this really the best plan Spanish leaders could come up with, vests the color of a Flintstone vitamin?

I have an idea for Spanish law makers. Why not just send the paddy wagon down the interstate and round em up?

Round em all up. Men. Women. Transvestites, prostitutes, hitch hikers, traveling salesmen. The hell with it. If you are on the side of a Spanish highway and you don’t have a car attached to your ass, you’re going to the grey bar hotel.

And it doesn’t matter whether you wearing a halter top made of yarn or a thong made of cotton candy. If you are on the side of the road and you don’t have a shovel full of tar, you’re going to jail where you can figure out what you’re virginity is worth in cigarettes.

SNAP!

Crazy times call for crazy actions, right?

This all began because of a law that says: anyone walking on a major highway must wear high visibility garments.

I don’t know about you, but in my book, prostitutes wearing mini skirts and high heels IS a high visibility garment.

A Spanish news station estimates that 300,000 women work as prostitutes in Spain where prostitution is NOT illegal but profiting from the sale of sex by another IS.

What the hell does that even mean?

Prostitution is NOT illegal. Profiting from the sale of sex IS illegal.

Huh?

That’s like saying drinking and driving is NOT illegal, but having a blood stream full of alcohol rich plasma is.

It’s so dumb it’s crazy.