You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Guinness Book of world records.
The most. The biggest. The fattest. The shortest. It’s an encyclopedia of freaks.
Why do we care? It’s like staring at someone’s boil wondering how much puss is in there. When will it blow? Should it be lanced? What if this guy sneezes, what then?
Mount Vesuvius?
Thats what the Guiness Book of World Records is to me. A big fat unlanced boil of so what.
And after a while it makes you want to claw out your own eyes.
And if you do that, why not do it with the world’s longest fingernails (10 feet 2 inches)
The things that pass for world records make me want to vomit.
The most dogs simultaneously skipping a rope (13). Where is PETA when you need them? Why is this even permissible? Let’s see how long they skip when Michael Vick enters the room.
How about the world’s heaviest woman (643 pounds). Why celebrate this? When a woman weighs more than a Volkswagen, you need a clinical intervention not Guiness Book publicity.
How bout the fastest wedding chapel (62mph). What the hell does that even mean? Do you get married on the back of a Vespa? I bet the wedding chapel where you can only get married at 50 miles an hour is devastated they didn’t make the book. My Goodness. That’s what is wrong with matrimony in this country now a days. It’s too damn fast.
The latest edition of the Guinness Book of World Records hit shelves and it is filled with 4,000 new and updated records.
4,000 new and irrelevant and stupid things. That’s great. I’m sure it will sell many books. But when you step back, and think about the contents, it kind of makes you say, so what.
462 body piercings? Good luck at the airport metal detector dude.
How bout the longest cat? 48.5 inches. What do you use for a cat box? A piano crate?
Need more stupid records? How about the longest distance walked by a horse on two legs: 95 ft. 5 inches in Milan Italy. Nothing says best seller like 2 legged walking horse records. I wonder whose idea that was; certainly not the horse.
And then there’s the guy who holds the most Guinness World Records – Ashrita Furman. He holds the titles for, among other things, long-distance pogo-stick jumping, most glasses balanced on the chin, most hopscotch games in 24 hours and fastest time to pogo-stick up Toronto’s CN Tower.
What an idiot! Run Ashrita Run!
This guy should be forced to wipe the ass of the world’s largest woman.
Now that’s a record I’d pay to see.
And that is crazy.™