The idiotic movies getting made now a days.
Hollywood is a town with incredible writing talent, churning out original ideas every day. But those ideas get “shit-canned” in favor of safer projects that attract a greater common denominator. Sure, it’s all a cinematic crap shoot, but sometimes you have to bet beyond the pass line, on a hard eight, and just go for it.
I always feel this way when some celluloid vomit makes it to the silver screen. I felt this way last month, when the Will Farrell flop; Land of the Lost, came and went with all the fan fair of burnt toast. Land of the lost? Why even bother? I mean it was a 3rd rate Saturday morning kid’s show from the 70’s. It was little cave people and creatures called Sleestacks, that were like sea horses on LSD. Thankfully, Land of the Lost came quickly then fizzled into obscurity. I wished the same fate for GI Joe. No such luck. GI is a hit, and that means another batch of worthless movie scripts are getting greenlighted all over Los Angeles.
That lame ass success story is G.I. Joe. G.I. Joe is the next Marketing Machine Megladon to get shoved down our throats. G.I. Joe was a doll and a kid’s cartoon, and now it is the number one movie in America, which means it sold the most tickets this weekend to a throng of bored Americans raised on mediocrity and accostomed to slick marketing.
Maybe G.I. Joe is worth ten dollars if it has good special effects or if there are plenty of high intensity action chase scenes. And I’m sure it has both. But story line? It’s as doubtful as pulling down Joe’s fatigues and finding his manhood. When it comes to GI Joe, he might as well be Barbie.
Why am I attacking G.I. Joe without even seeing the film? Because I write and I support writers. Now granted, someone had to write a script about a military doll with a smooth genital region. But to me, making this movie is a cop-out. It’s safe, and predictable, and a little sickening. Like letting the dog lick your tongue.
According to MSNBC: Harsh reviews for “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” earlier this summer prompted Paramount to skip critic screenings for “G.I. Joe” and put the movie in theaters sight-unseen by most reviewers.
Critics generally trashed the “Transformers” sequel, yet it had a colossal opening and is on its way to joining the handful of movies to top $400 million domestically. Based on that disparity between critical and commercial reaction, the studio decided it could do without reviews for “G.I. Joe.”
“The thing we saw from ‘Transformers’ is that with these kind of movies, at times critics have a hard time getting their arms around them,” said Rob Moore, Paramount vice chairman. “But the audience got exactly what it was. A fun summer movie, a great way to end your summer. You just relax and have a good time. You don’t have to worry about global politics or global warming.”
Mr. Moore’s point is well taken. But what about Global mediocrity? I’m starting to worry about that.
Land of the lost? G.I. Joe? I get kind of nauseated when I look at the list of tv shows that were mediocre that became the inspiration for a full length movie.
Remember the Addams Family? fun tv show, but a movie? Who greenlighted that script, Charles Manson?
The Avengers: it was kind of a 60’s hip tv show with a hot babe in a clingy outfit. But a movie?
The guy who said make it should have his eye lids removed with super glue.
Batman: I’ll give franchises like batman and superman and the hulk a pass, because they started out as COMICS. These ideas were original and ground breaking. The tv show was just an extension of the comic. In a sense, making a tv show from a comic is like making a movie from a tv show. It’s what limp wristed television producers do when they are afraid to roll the dice on something that is unique but untested.
The Beverly Hillbillies: are you kidding me. This tv show was a 30 minute respite of black and white lunacy where college kids came home between class, smoked a little dope, and laughed about the “cement pond” Making it a movie just proves that nobody has a drop of testosterone in Tinsel Town.
The list of lame ass decisions is longer than the space I have to write here:
Bewitched, The Brady Bunch, Car 54, Where Are You?, Charlie’s Angels, Dragnet,
Dukes of Hazzard, Get Smart!
I am not the most qualified person in the world to address this topic. I just know how I feel.