You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
The sex life of a fruit fly.
Bet you never thought you’d read that, huh?
I would fruit fly sex is exciting as pulling gum off a work boot, if your work boot was smaller than Lisa Lampenelli’s heart.
What’s the scientific value of fruit fly sex you ask?
Less Sex = Less Life.
For flies? who cares? For People? Now that’s the question.
Less sex?
Any loser who brings his own sister to the prom knows this dilemna.
Studies suggest male flies stimulated to mate but prevented from doing so die 40% quicker than flies banging boots early and often.
fly blue balls.
is that covered by Obama Care?
Less Sex = faster death? Every pimple faced high school boy should take note.
Apparently thanks to our not so well endowed brother, Mr. fruit fly, we have learned something i have always known; sex is the secret to life. It’s my ah ha moment.
According to Dr. Scott Pletcher of the University of Michigan, “We immediately observed that they looked quite sick. The flies that were tantalized but denied any action showed more stress, a decrease in their fat-stores and had their lives cut short dramatically.”
“denied any fly action?”
I guess even in fruit fly world you can’t go to 2nd base till the third date.
Why study the fruit fly? According to scientists it has a very short life, about 60 days. And the genes that regulate a fly’s lifespan have been found to closely parallel those in humans.
That means if you aren’t having as much sex as at least a fruit fly in a petri dish then you are jeopardizing your life.
If you’re hung like a fruit fly, I’d suggest getting a bottle of scotch, a pack of Camels and lay down in the cemetery and just wait for time to ravage your sorry ass.
Based on Mr. Fruit Fly, here’s my advice to all you losers out there: The next time you are standing in a bar, staring at a pretty girl, afraid to ask her to dance or get her number, be forewarned: the life you save could be your own.
And here’s some more scientific breaking news:
FEMALES HAVE ALL THE POWER!
Really?
They paid scientists to figure this out?
Timothy Weil, lecturer at the University of Cambridge zoology department said “”Sex and food are the biggest drivers of animal behavior and the FEMALE FLY here seems to have the POWER. It could be a way for females to select the best mates as the males who are not mating as much have negative health effects,” he said.
FEMALE FLY HAS THE POWER.
You go girl.
Here is the transitive property of life:
Women have all the power.
Men who have less sex die faster.
Women get to choose which men have less sex.
Subsequently, women can choose which of you they want to die faster.
Try arguing that in court.
Crazy.
I’ve always said, we should legalize prostitution and tax it. Now I’m actually recommending it as part of Obama Care, if you can get on the web site.
Your life might depend on it.
Life’s crazy™