You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
The Family Feud.
It’s a game show I watched as a kid. Richard Dawson was the host then. Steve Harvey is the host now.
Regardless of whom is hosting, the premise is simple.
A studio audience of 100 is surveyed, and the most popular answers recorded.
Two members of a family are asked the same questions and if they can get 200 points in a certain amount of time you win $20,000 dollars.
During a recent episode, a family came as close as you can come to winning without tasting victory.
The father came out and with the calmness of a church burglar, he stood at ease and listened to the questions.
Steve Harvey, took a deep breath and said “Put the time on the clock.”
The clock is set.
Harvey reads from the card.
“100 single men were asked this question. On a scale of 1-10, what are your chances of dating a girl who is a ten?”
The man stares at the floor and calmly says 5.
Not bad. The survey says 31.
Next question. Name a place where people check their watch.
“Airport” the man says calmly.
Another solid response, good for 18 points.
Question 3. Name a noisy insect.
“Cricket” is the answer.
That’s a good one. 38 points.
Question 4. What does a belly do?
“It growls,” he says.
Bingo. 42 points.
Finally, Steve Harvey asks “fill in the blank. Married couples are deeply in what?
“Love,” the father says to an eruption of cheers.
53 points. The number one answer.
Steve Harvey’s jaw drops. 182 points, he says.
The family is jumping up and down, hugging. it’s a done deal.
They are all ready imagining how they will spend their $20,000 dollars.
18 points? Most contestants get 18 points for just showing up.
The daughter, Anna walks out. She stares at the board. She is smiling. She seems very confident as she takes her spot.
18 points? That’s less than 4 points per question.
“Your dad got 182 points,” Steve Harvey says knowing that he’s going to paying out 20 grand.
“oh my oh my,” Anna says confidently.
“25 seconds please,” Harvey says. “Audience, no helping.”
And then it begins.
It’s a building imploding, a field fire erupting, a mud slide sliding.
“100 single men are polled. on scale of 1 to 10, what are your chances of dating a girl who is a 10?”
“Four,” Anna says.
ZERO POINTS.
Ok, she only needs 18 points.
Question 2.
“Name a place where people check their watch?”
“restaurant,” Anna says.
ZERO
“Airport” is the number one answer.
Question 3: Name a noisy insect
Anna says “Pass”
ZERO
Pass? Anna you have no points with 2 questions left. Why would say pass. Anything is better than pass. You could say ant. You could say beatle. You could say snail. None of them make a sound, but at least you could prove that your head isn’t filled with mulch. But instead she says pass.
So now we are on question 4
“Name something a belly does?”
“Growls,” she says.
The buzzer sounds. It’s the same answer her dad gave.
“Try again,” Steve Harvey says.
Anna is perplexed. She is nervous. The clock is ticking down. She has no points and she is almost out of time.
If this were jaws she would be the girl plucked, tucked, then ripped under the surface of the sea never to be seen again.
“Name something a belly does?”
She is sweating through her bra, perspiration soaking her back.
This is the pressure of chain saw juggling while flossing your teeth with fire.
“Throws up,” she says stupidly.
Really Anna? What does a stomach do?
THROWS UP?
Is that the best you can do.
ZERO
Growls turns out to be the number one answer.
And so with approximately 5 seconds left and no points, it comes down to this last question for 18 points.
“Married couples are in Blank?”
“Love,” Anna says.
It’s a good answer, but the problem is, its’ the same answer her daddy gave.
There are only 2 seconds left.
“Try again”
“Marriage,” Anna says.
Buzzzzzzzz.
ZERO
Anna hangs her head.
It’s over. In 25 seconds her family has grown to hate her.
They were planning their trips to Madrid and paying off college loans.
They were asking to be her children’s God parents.
Now?
She is a leper. She is a roadside decipel rolling a cross the size of a sofa across the country.
Suddenly this family is lucky to get $5 for every point. It’s not even a 1,000 dollars.
The family hugs Anna. They hug her so nobody rips off her head or kicks her in the shin.
The poor girl appears to be in tears. She is shocked as if she has crash landed in a corn field.
The family claps saying “That’s ok, that’s ok.”
But it’s not ok.
It sucks. It is a massive inhalation of suck.
It was one of the greatest first rounds in Family Feud history.
And it’s the most epic fail in the 2nd round ever.
182 points plus Zero points = Unbelievable.
Had I not witnessed this myself, I would never believe it.
It’s like running the ball 99 yards down to the one yard line and then failing on four straight carries to bust it into the end zone.
I feel bad for Anna. Hopefully nobody skulled her with a wrench.
Next time she hears a bee or a fly or a mosquito or a cicada, she’ll speak up.
Guarantee she won’t ever say pass.
Life’s Crazy™