You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Cinco De Mayo.
It’s a latin flavored reason to inhale cocktails. It’s a mardis gras north of the border. It’s a Tia Juana Taxi without having to pay off the local Federales.
In other words; it’s CINCO DE MAYO.
Americans celebrate Cinco De Mayo like we fought some war to earn it.
We relish this day like a little girl loves dressing up with Mommy’s high heels and makeup.
But why do we love it? It’s not like we rowed our boats onto the shores of Mazatlan and set a group of Mexicans free.
“Hey Pancho Villa, we’re here. Now let’s kick some ass!”
It just didn’t happen. It’s not like we have any skin in the game.
You know why we love Cinco De Mayo? Because Americans need a reason to drink. And if we can package it as something noble or worthy, so much the better.
Cinco De Mayo everyone. Now do a shot.
A Drinking holiday? That’s nothing new to Americans.
New Year’s Eve. It’s the mother of all drinking holidays.
St. Patrick’s Day. It’s the aunt of all drinking holidays.
But Americans will drink for much less…
Valentines Day? Why not.
Armistice Day? Set em up.
Secretary’s Day? Everybody needs a good secretary. this round’s on me.
I think Cinco De Mayo is less about Cinco and more about Mayo.
The Kentucky Derby is a good reason to drink in early May. A frosty beverage at a derby party along with a big hat that looks like it came from the Dr. Seuss collection? That is always a big hit with the white collar crowd.
Another Mint Julip Seth.
The baseball season is a month old. That too is a good reason to have a party.
“I wonder if Albert Pujols will ever hit another home run? If he does let’s do a shot.”
But Americans need more reasons to rationalize their alcohol problems and that’s where the lure of Cinco De Mayo comes into play.
It’s an opportunity to think about Mariachi bands and tequila shots and margaritas. Waiters named Jose and sombreros on the wall; these are all welcome mats for your liver.
May isn’t just for Tornados anymore.
For the record, Cinco De Mayo is not like the 4th of July. It is not the Mexican Independence day as so many people incorrectly think.
Cinco De Mayo comemorates the victory of the Mexican militia over the French army at the Batlle of Puebla in 1862.
(don’t feel bad. i had to look this up too)
That isn’t exactly Pearl Harbor, you know what I mean.
So what is America’s fascination with Cinco De Mayo?
Even Mexican’s wonder what our pre-occupation with this mock holiday is.
I’ve heard about office party’s that brought in Margarita machines. I saw a guy wearing an eye patch and festive garb. I’m not sure if he was dressing for the holiday or he was just a blind gay man. I’ve heard about entire cities participating in a synchronous tequila shot to win a spot in the Guiness Book of World Records.
FAIL.
So I’m at a cantina this 5th day of May.
The women are especially lubricated and willing to consume elixirs the consistency of battery acid.
The men are dressed with poncho villa type beach shirts that, like the bright tailed baboon, are designed to attract members of the opposite sex.
The bar top seems to be a mess of tequilla and sweat and spilled Mexican beers.
I take it all in like a Salvador Dahli work of art, marveling at how this night has nothing to do with me or any Mexican people that I know.
“What can I get you on this fine Cinco De Mayo?” the bar tender says.
” Dos Equis.”
“Coming up amigo.”
I smirk.
A woman a few bar stools down does a shot, wipes her lips and smiles.
“Happy Cinco De Mayo,” I say with a chuckle.
She nods back in full agreement knowing this is the day the Mexicans liberated themselves from the oppressor.
NOT.
As the Most Interesting man in the world likes to say; “stay thirsty my friend.”
Cinco De Mayo only lasts a day, but it’s historical significance as a drinking holiday will last a lifetime.
And that is crazy.™