You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy™
Old women who kill cats.
Yeah, I said it.
Thankfully most old women collect cats like drunks collect match book covers.
Today I banged on the door of a repulsive old lady.
She is 71 years of age and she greeted me at the door with her tongue hanging out of her mouth.
She looked like a frog that had been bloated on worms and ready for dissection.
All she could say was “I have no comment” every time I asked her why she killed her neighbor’s cat.
“I have no comment.”
Animal control tells me you grabbed the cat and shoved it in a small cooler, screwed on the lid, and the cat suffocated, I said to her in a very calm way taking into account she is 71 years old.
“I have no comment.”
I felt like telling her she had no life, but I kept it journalistically professional.
Few of the animal control officers did back at the station.
“She said she didn’t give a F,” the animal control director said.
“People like her should be put on the news,” another shouted from the rear.
They handed me the investigative photos and they were sad to be sure.
The cooler is the kind you would find at any soccer match. It probably can hold 4 or 5 gallons of Kool Aid. Somehow, for some reason, the woman grabbed a neighborhood cat, and shoved it into the narrow cylindrical opening. Somehow, for some reason, she grabbed the top and screwed it on tight. And then she calmly called animal control to report what she had done.
“I sent a man out right away,” the head investigator said. “It probably took 30 minutes. When we got there, she pointed to the cooler and said, “the cat’s in there.” By the time my man opened up the top, the cat was dead.
They show me the investigative photos. It’s hard to tell that the cat is dead. It is an orange tabby with white spots. It’s head is mushed down, and it’s body has filled the entire insides of the cooler. The cat’s eyes are open. It almost looks peaceful.
“i’m going to have to pixelate that” I say as I video tape the photographs.
“it died a horrible horrible death!” the animal control investigator said with a pained look on his face.
The investigator calls the victim, the cat’s owner. She is a school teacher, the mother of 3 triplets. It was the family cat, that they named Cat.
“It makes me nervous what type of people are in the neighborhood,” she said of the 71 year old woman who lives 2 doors down.
Cat’s owner will proceed to tell me that the cat didn’t hurt anyone. It had a micro chip inside it in case it got lost. She says her children loved the cat and she was dismayed that her neighbor would be involved in an act so barbaric.
The animal control director will tell me that unlike dogs, there are no leash laws for cats. So it is not illegal for a cat to walk across your yard.
It is however illegal to take your neighbor’s cat and shove it into a tiny vessel and asphyxiate it, which is why she was given a state’s citation for animal cruelty.
“No comment,” the old cat killer will say.
We’ll see how well that plays Friday when I plaster her cat killing ass across the air.
Sad.
Life’s Crazy™