You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Insanity thy name is Clayton Osbon.
Just call him Captain Crazy.
Capt.
Osbon is a pin wheel blowing in an unstable breeze.
There’s a credo among ship captains and airline pilots:
The singular goal is to get your crew, your passengers, your vessel from point A to point B safely.
If the captain must go down with the ship, then it was nice knowing you.
Rule 1: You don’t take your crew with you!
That credo got lost in translation the other day. Captain Crazy aka the flying colon, relinquished all sanity and let the rigors of the job slap him in the frontal lobe, threatening all 150 souls on board his aircraft.
In case you missed it, Clayton Osbon, is the Jet Blue numb skull, who had a schizophrenic episode Monday.
According to the FBI, the Captain may have had plans to push the nose of his plane into the dirt somewhere over Texas.
That’s right, after interviewing the Jet Blue captain, the FBI says the pilot might have had thoughts about suicide and taking everyone with him.
What an Ass!
This is the latest misadventure of flying the friendly skies.
The signs were there. Why did nobody notice?
According to newly released information, Captain Crazy reported late to JFK airport and missed a pilot’s meeting. He reportedly entered the cockpit and said “Nothing matters anymore.” Then he yelled at air traffic controllers over the radio telling them to be quiet.
You know your Captain is on more than NyQuil when he begins turning off the radios and dimming the monitors in the cock pit.
What’s up dude, you trying to turn your work space into an opium den? The only thing Captain Crazy didn’t do was hang black lights and a picture of Bob Marley on the flight deck windows.
Note to self: If your co worker at the next desk says “Bob, we ain’t gonna make it to Vegas,” you need to stand up and punch him in the face.
iPhone video is the ubiquitous keeper of current events now-a-days. It certainly enhances the dramatic and nothing is more dramatic than the captain of your flight, caught on iPhone video, pacing outside the cockpit screaming Ally Ally Oxen free.
Passengers say they were worried about him trying to open the emergency door, even though emergency doors won’t open at 30,000 feet.
Captain Hysteria then started shouting about Iraq and Israel humping each other and making illegitimate little babies. Passengers say the captain acted like some crazed Al Qaida suicide bomber in need of a friend and a few virgins.
Full speed ahead boys. Full speed ahead.
Thankfully, the passengers got out of their seats and corralled the mentally challenged air steward. That’s the good news.
Since 911, nobody is going to let a box cutter or a dude with a bad hair cut sabotage an airplane without a fight ever again.One guy interviewed said he put the crazed captain in a sleeper hold like a scene from the WWF.
Cell phone footage shows the battle with the captain. The video is tight and chaotic, like its shot in a broom closet with seats.
Eventually the plane lands. The passengers are heroes. The assistant captain is a hero. Captain Crunch is a loony toon who needs psychiatric help then a long rest in a padded room with plenty of pillows.
Hang in there America. Crazy is seeping under the door and in through the cracks. It’s a bad dream at 30,000 feet or right at ground zero.
Stay vigilant. Don’t trust anyone farther than the zoom of your iPhone.
And that is crazy.™Osbon is the pirate of the clouds who vomited his brain into a Kleenex and then threatened the lives of everyone on board his plane.