You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
A new study that says half of us don’t use our turn signals.
HALF?
I’m not talking about alimony in California folks, I’m talking about drivers in the United States of America!
This according to the society of automotive engineers.
Do you know how many people drive in this country?
More than 250 million people, most of whom can’t walk and chew gum at the same time.
Half is 125 million people not willing to do something as simple as using their turn signal?
Why the hell not America?
It’s not like you are being asked to touch your toes or trick or treat for Unicef.
It’s a turn signal. It’s easy. It’s a stick protruding out of your steering column. It’s right there, obvious like a cold sore on your lip.
Your turn signal is hard and erect like a junior high boy reading a Victoria Secrets catalogue.
The signal is just waiting to be fondled, to be touched, to be jerked up or down, ready to tell other drivers what your intentions are.
Hello drivers. Prepare yourself. I am going to merge right.
Hi fellow motorists, I am going to move to the left.
It’s safe. It’s common courtesy. It’s the law.
So why the rant?
According to the society of automotive engineers, a staggering number of us don’t use turn signals resulting in an astounding 2 million deadly wrecks a year.
I think all those imbeciles were on my commute to work this morning.
Changing lanes without signaling is dangerous.
It’s not like vomiting under water or juggling shards of glass, but it’s right up there on the periodic pie chart of danger.
So the question is; do Americans want to crash? Do we have a death wish? Are we all James Dean with a leather coat and a desire to die?
Or is the reality of this study that Americans are really that stupid and lazy?
My money is on the latter.
We’re the generation of drive thrus and text messaging. We’ll eat a hamburger with one hand, while working our smart phone with the other. Our bellies are too big and our brains are too small.
If our asses got any bigger we could them for a cruise ship flotation device.
Is it too much effort to move your hand from the steering wheel to the turn signal indicator?
It’s 4 inches away.
4 inches.
Americans would move their hand 4 inches for a Big Mac. Americans would move their hands 4 inches to sext their private parts to their favorite New York Congressman.
4 inches.
According to the society of automotive engineers, it’s too much of a bother for 1/2 of us to do this.
Come on America, I know you can handle four inches, even if some of you men like to say it’s six.
So if 1/2 of us don’t signal when changing lanes and 1/4 of us don’t use our blinker when we make a turn, what does that say about us?
As Dean Wormer once said in the classic film Animal House; “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son.”
I don’t know what that has to do with changing lanes, but it sure is crazy.™