You know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.™
Stating the obvious.
does it surprise you that…
Skinny people get more dates.
People with hair buy more shampoo.
Homeless people love subway grates.
Does it surprise you?
If it does, then stop reading now, and pull life’s emergency exit.
There’s another study out there and it’s as stupid as any I’ve encountered.
According to tax firm Deloitte’s annual holiday spending survey, People with more than $100,000 to spend have more optimism about the economy than those who are poor.
Well. That’s a revelation.
People with more money to spend are more optimistic.
Part the heavens and serve me a ham sandwich boy.
Imagine that? Who paid for this study? Hopefully not the American tax payer.
Rich people spend more money. How absurd.
That’s like saying sharks floss with surfers or super models have bony hips.
Rich people spend money. That’s obvious like Rock and Rollers are ugly.
The survey goes on to waste your time by saying; the big spenders intend to fork over three percent more on gift-giving than they did last year, in contrast to lower-income households, who said they would spend 12 percent less.
BREAKING NEWS.
RICH PEOPLE SPEND MORE. POOR PEOPLE SPEND LESS.
This ain’t exactly Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity, now is it?
And in case you needed proof that rich people are going to make it; luxury-car dealers report sales are strong from New York buyers, many of whom are snapping up Rolls-Royces.
The car of the moment is a Rolls Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe, which costs a cool $500,000. The Ferrari 458 Italia for $300,000 is also sold out. “There is a waiting list, but we can fill it, most likely,” according to Adam Gordon, who owns several luxury-car dealerships.
What a coincidence. There is also a waiting list for free underpants and canned squash at the local homeless shelter over by the bus station.
Give me a break.
According to the report; wealthy New Yorkers are also buying high-end foodstuffs, caviar entrepreneur Alexandre Petrossian said.
For example, Petrossian Special Reserve Ossetra caviar, which is “exceedingly rare and exquisitely rich,” is $12,000 a kilo.
Poor people can’t get that much green for a bus load of plasma.
So in conclusion; let me simplify the report’s findings.
Rich people are happy and confident about the future and spending more to pamper themselves with obscenely expensive gifts.
Poor people are wetting their pants and selling their own blood and generally a bit depressed about the course of world events.
Have I covered this illuminating survey adequately?
What’s next. A study to tell me that metal is hard? Kryptonite – still a thorn in the side of superman?
Nah….
Instead, I’ll just wait for the next study to let us know if coffee and or chocolate is killing us or prolonging our life or making us hornier.
Hey is meat actually killing us?
Life’s Crazy™