You Know what’s crazy? I’ll tell you what’s crazy.
An ice berg as big as New York City and a couple of extra boroughs is drifting toward Australia.
This sounds like a B movie doesn’t it?
Title: The ice berg that inhaled “down under.” Here’s the pitch: Man has finally set off the ticking time bomb of global warming. An angry ice berg the size of America’s most crotch grabbing city breaks off from the Antarctic ice shelf and sets a course for the nearest nest of whining scientists who prognosticate global warming.
The megolopolous of ice becomes sentient and can be over heard whispering icilly: “I’m mad, I’m Ice and I ain’t gonna take it anymore.”
It sounds like a joke, but apparently the 54 square mile chunk of ice is real and setting its icy stare on lesser known ports down under, like Perth.
According to CNN: The iceberg, cleaved off an ice shelf nearly 10 years ago and had been floating near Antarctica for years.
Scientists apparently named the massive, disruptive chunk of ice: B17B. Scientists are not known for their creativity and with this appellation, they prove it.
B17B? Are you kidding me? Why not just B17? Why not 17B?
You scientists are so boring that calling you boring is actually a compliment. Well for the purposes spontaneity, from this sentence on, I will refer to the massive B17B as “Spunky”.
Though it is colossal and potentially dangerous, Spunky just seems like a fun and frolicking name for a run-a-way ice berg. Spunky is like a massive, frosty puppy who just wants to chase a stick, or in this case, smash into and then demolish and entire coastline.
According to ice scientists, Spunky was last charted some 1,056 miles off the coast of West Australia.
If I live in West Australia, I’m thinking about getting my affairs in order. Depending on Spunky’s ETA, which is unclear, I would pack my Winnebago and head into the desert. This much is clear, Spunky the ice berg hates heat.
CNN quotes a boring scientist who says: “B17B is a very significant one in that it has drifted so far north while still largely intact,” said Australian Antarctic Division glaciologist Neal Young, who spotted the slab using satellite images taken by NASA and the European Space Agency. “It’s one of the biggest sighted at those latitudes.”
The good news, these ice experts predict the balmy currents of Australia will eventually break spunky apart.
The bad news, Spunky is an ice cold bitch and it is going to take a little more than some warmth to slow her down.
Scientists are unclear if global warming played a role in Spunky’s origination.
If this was a real B movie, scientists would be spending the time they have left developing a ray gun that will blast Spunky into a zillion ice cubes, all of which can be packaged and sold in Vegas at the Hard Rock Hotel as “spunk-ice”
B list Celebrities will drink you in and brag about how you accentuate a cocktail like no other. Tickling the back of Kim Kardashians throat on a hot Vegas day – pool side – Spunky would have wanted it that way.
And that s crazy.