Big Head McGwire

Mark McGwire admitting he took steroids.

Like that’s breaking news?

The only citizens who didn’t realize Mark McGwire was a steroid junkie, are the same people who send money to telephone scammers claiming to have millions in Ghana.

For the rest of us; all the clues were there:

The guy needed a shoe horn to fit his size 14 head into his size 12 batting helmet.

He had acne scars that make the craters on the moon seem trivial.

He was so pumped up in his uniform, he was a Hanz & Franz cartoon figure.

McGwire came out of USC a tall string bean of a hitter. He had a skinny neck and a skinny frame. He had a good eye and quick bat and could torque his way through a swing and blast a baseball a country mile. But t the end of his career, he bulked up like a bloated contestant on the “Biggest Loser.” He could barely turn his neck and his biceps were a gross distortion of Popeye without the spinach. He still had the same keen batting eye and the quick swing through the strike zone, but now, with the aid of 18 different muscle groups, he was able to jack a ball over the wall that was hit anywhere but the sweet spot. Balls that might normally go to center field to die in a score book F-8, we’re now being celebrated as HR’s in the morning line. More HR’s and Less F-8’s equate to more Zeros in your bank account.

If anyone tells you they are juicing for any other reason than money, they are lying.

McGwire now admits to using steroids. He said he was stoned on the juice through much of the 90’s and definitely when he broke the MLB single season HR record in 1998.

It’s not surprising, but it is sad. You remember that year? That’s when McGwire and Sammy Sosa single handledly brought baseball back from the dead. They were bigger than life. McGwire was like Paul Bunyon and Sosa like his Dominican ox, Babe.

You know what’s crazier? How correct Jose Canseco has been through all of this. He said McGwire was dirty and he was. He said A-Rod was juicing and he was. He said Sammy Sosa was stoned on HGH. Sosa has yet to admit the drug charges, mainly because his English not too good. And I’m still not quite clear why he bleached his face snow white, but that is another story for another day.

5 years ago, McGwire got up before Congress and basically took the 5th. They asked hard questions about the extent of steroid abuse in MLB. He wouldn’t answer. He stared at his prepared statement and told the senators and the nationally televised spectacle that he only wanted to move forward. When his answers fell short like a fly to the warning track, he slipped into a state of ignominous seclusion.

Now McGwire’s telling all because he has accepted a job with the St. Louis Cardinals as a hitting instructor.

What kind of advise can he give to young hitters. “Inject the juice in the upper part of your ass.”

“Here’s how you cycle on and off dianabol.”

McGwire is a joke. His fall from grace is embarrassing. He tricked us and fooled us and stole the single season home record from the family of a true hero, Roger Maris. How ya feel now, Mark?

Before we knew we were watching liars hit prodigious home runs, we were fans, captivated by a home run race that ignited the enthusiasm of a nation. McGwire hit 70 dingers that season. It was unbelievable. It was a season for the ages, and the legend of Mark McGwire was solidified in history. Only 3 years later, Barry Big Head Bonds hit 73 homers, and he only played in 154 games.

Suddenly no record was unreachable. Baseball was exciting. It was also a lie. the record books are sullied and in need of some asterisks.

McGwire is never going to make it into the hall of fame. He is going to get booed. I’m glad he came clean, but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel cheated. He should have come clean 5 years ago. Now he is back with a truth that reopens all wounds.

McGwire and Sosa and Bonds and Palmiero and Clemmons. The hell with all of them.

And that is crazy!